Hurt Me Once- A Boyf-riends fanfiction

Chapter 10: Talk to Me

I'm back, and have just listened to Hadestown for the first time. Thanks fangirl-of-letters for breaking my heart.

Jeremy

Christine's dating Jenna now, and Rich and Jake have his back and Michael isn't even his friend anymore.

Jeremy can't tell himself he's not doing it because he's afraid to hurt Christine. He can no longer say it's because he's scared of the homophobes, because Jake and Rich are a fucking hit team. He can't even say it's because he's afraid he'll lose what he and Michael do have, because they don't have anything right now.

Right now they have anger and hurt and distrust. At least on Michael's side, Jeremy's sure. On Jeremy's side, there's regret. And... regret. And so much damn longing and missing and wishing and staring and knowing full well that the minute Michael turns his head, Jeremy's heart will stop in his throat and begin to crumble piece by piece.

It does. He reconstructs it only to have it tapped and shattered every time he lets his eyes drift or allows his thoughts to wander.

And after a day, he just has to admit that he's afraid. There's nothing else to it, no whys, no excuses, he just is.

Christine sighs dramatically, air whooshing from her lungs loudly. "Honestly Jeremy. That's what you don't understand- like, if I knew earlier I would've said something- see... look." Jeremy shifts uncomfortably when Christine takes a breath as if fortifying herself.

"God, just say it." He buries his face in his hands, face burning. He's this pathetic.

"You're never not going to be afraid. You're afraid because you care, and there's never going to be a moment when you look at him and you think oh my god, this is the moment he says yes without being scared. Like, you've been staring at him for a week and a half- even more ever since you- ahem- 'talked' to him, and you've never had that moment. So you can't give up waiting to know because you won't freaking know until you pull your miserable, cowardly ass together and ask and you're going to be scared and you're going to have to fucking deal with it."

"Right." Jeremy swallows, his heart pounding and his palms drenched with sweat. "Bravery, not fearlessness." He taps his fingers on his knee. "He doesn't want to talk to me, though."

Christine opens her mouth to reply when Jemma pops up in all her over-lip glossed glory, wiggling her sparking phone. "You have a phone."

"Right." Jeremy agrees again, "No more excuses."

Jeremy: Sorry for everything. Can we talk?

Delivered the tiny bolded letters read below the text message. Oh my god. It's out there now. Jeremy stares at the screen for a couple of seconds, tapping the back of his phone incessantly with his fingers before finally giving in. He can't deal with this. He can't.

Jeremy: I know I don't deserve it. I know I suck.

Jeremy: I was an asshole.

Jeremy: I am an asshole.

Jeremy: I just really want to talk to you because I miss you

Jeremy: I'll be a better friend I promise.

Jeremy stares at his phone, giving Michael about a minute before he reaches for it again, the cool screen clicking.

Jeremy: I know what I want now I figured it out

Jeremy: You have no idea how much I fucking miss you

Jeremy: I get it if you don't want to talk to me