Kevin - A Welcome To Night Vale Fan Fiction

Radio

The town of Desert Bluffs was perfect, everyone agreed.

They agreed it was cheerful and charming. They agreed that it was productive and happy. They agreed that there was no better town. They agreed that it was because of the Smiling God. The Smiling God and StrexCorp made this perfect town. So they agreed to praise the Smiling God and StrexCorp.

Everyone agreed with everyone, because everyone agreed with the Smiling God and StrexCorp and no one dared to argue with the Smiling God or StrexCorp. Why argue with their saviors? It was a nonsensical choice.

Intern Maximo had tried to argue once. Intern Maximo had tried to disobey the Smiling God and StrexCorp.

Intern Maximo was not heard from again. Or seen again. Not in one piece, anyway.

His eyes hung overheard Kevin's recording booth.

Kevin left his house smiling. He walked down the street and to the left smiling. He entered his radio station smiling. He was always smiling. Everyone was always smiling, because the Smiling God was always watching.

"Good morning, Vanessa!" Kevin beamed, straightening his tie, splattered smartly with blood. Every article of clothing in Desert Bluffs was splattered with blood. It was only tradition.

"Hey there, Kevin!" Vanessa grinned back. She handed him a cup of coffee in a dandelion yellow mug, also splattered smartly in blood. Tradition was good.

"Thank you, Vanessa. Lovely sun today, isn't it?" Kevin took a sip of his drink. It smelt sweet and sickly, and had a slight metallic taste to it. Perfect.

"Yes it sure is!" Vanessa agreed, nodding to show that she was agreeing.

With another wide smile, the two of them parted.

Kevin entered his recording booth, smiling wider. It was a bright and brilliant yellow, as was the rest of the station, and was more than generous with the blood, as was the rest of the station.

Kevin nodded charmingly at Maximo's sapphire eyes. "Good morning, Maximo!" He greeted the eyes, smiling wider as he awaited a reply.

There was no reply, as usual.

Kevin sighed through sharp, grinning teeth. Such a disgrace, that Intern. StrexCorp did good to punish him.

Setting down his cup, Kevin turned on his microphone- blood stained, as professionals have it- and flicked the ON AIR switch cheerfully.

Clutching the yellowed papers in front of him, he put on his best happy voice and started his show.

It takes more muscles to smile than to frown. Smiling is more productive! Productive is always happier!

Welcome back to Desert Bluffs.

Kevin winced slightly as the theme song music played. Could he have been happier in his welcoming sentence? He used a period. A period, when the paper wanted an exclamation.

Kevin cursed under his breath, but his A-N-G-E-R was heard through the microphone. Ever so slightly, but still there. Lauren can detect that. Kevin can't let the station manager hear his not-happiness. That will go against his private record. The Smiling God will not be happy. Upsetting the Smiling God is the worst thing a citizen can do.

Kevin pricked his palm with a letter opener as a punishment. This was not a good start for work. But there was nothing he can do now but continue.

Good morning, jolly listeners! What a wonderful day it is today! Don't forget to praise the Smiling God and donate to StrexCorp before you start your day, because this beautiful today and the beautiful tomorrow is all because of these beautiful people!

Let's get on with news for today, beautiful, wonderful people!