Hopeless Devotion

Prologue

  I didn't know how to deal with it. The pain that resonated deep in my heart. It was the first time I'd let myself get close to anyone, and the first time I'd experienced a loss. I didn't try to keep it a secret once we got back to Storybrooke.

I couldn't get over Peter.

I went home to Storybrooke with Regina, Emma, and the others after Peter's death. Regina was thrilled when I told her I wanted to stay with her. She cried and hugged me, while I showed no emotion. I was still numb with shock.

Regina lived in a huge house. She gave me my own room, and I was extremely grateful yet I couldn't express it. I couldn't express anything. I couldn't cry, or scream, or throw a fit. For my first few weeks all I could do was lie in bed and stare at the ceiling. Some nights I didn't even have the motivation to close my eyes. Since I'd never experienced it before, I was at a loss of what to do.

Regina tried talking to me often. She would bring food up to my bedroom and tell me about her losses. She even brought back up the story of my abandonment.

"I never wanted to give you up. You know that. I told you that in Neverland. My mother ruined my life, and the last thing I wanted to do was ruin yours. But if I didn't let you go, she would've killed you. Your father was my true love. I never cared about being queen. All I wanted was to be with him. We planned to run away together. I loved him more than anyone. But my mother thought she knew what was best for me. Or, for her. She killed him in front of me. I watched him crumble to the ground. Then I found out I was pregnant with you and then gave up the last piece of him I had. I had to give up the only thing that could bring me happiness again. It was the hardest thing I'd ever had to do. I got over it by turning myself into the Evil Queen. I was weak. You're stronger than I was. It gets better."

But it didn't for a long time. No one could cheer me up. Of course, they were all trying their hardest since I saved Henry. They acted like they all owed me their first born child, but nothing they said made me feel better. Except one visit.

"Audrey? It's Henry, may I come in?" He called. His presence surprised me. I didn't want to look like such a mess in front of him, so I took a deep breath and wiped my eyes.

"Come in," I told him, my voice raspier than I imagined it'd be. He creaked the door open to come sit down at the end of my bed. He looked up at me and smiled.

"Thank you. You saved me. I realized I had never thanked you, but I needed to. It was my fault that P- that that happened to you," Henry explained. I shook my head and laughed a bit.

"No, Henry. It's not your fault. It had to be done-"

"If I hadn't given in you wouldn't have had to do that. We all could've been happy," He said. I grinned.

"Aw, Henry. You can't always make everyone happy. Besides, Peter was persuasive and manipulative. You couldn't have denied him. I couldn't," I told him.

"I could've tried." I glanced over at him. He looked so upset with himself. I pulled myself up and swung my legs over the side of the bed to sit next to him.

"Don't be so hard on yourself, kid. We all question our decisions. But what happened wasn't your fault. It had to happen. Yes, I'm upset, but I'll get over it eventually. It's just hard, ya know? No one ever cared about me that much before, I absorbed the love and now the vacancy is a little- well, let's just say I got used to it. No one had ever been that way to me before," I tried explaining to the kid.

"Well, I have to make it up to you. I couldn't save magic, but I'll save you. You're my big sister, after all. I love you," He declared. He threw his arms around me sideways.

"Oh yeah?" I grinned and brought my arm up around his back.

"Yeah," He smiled and snuggled into my side. From that moment on, things got better.

I got out more. I started meeting new people, I even got a job at Granny's Diner. I became best friends with Ruby, the diner girl I met my first day in Storybrooke. Baelfire became an older brother to me. Regina and I grew closer, as I saw how much she wanted to redeem herself. Henry kept his promise. We hung out together all the time. He came to visit me at the diner every day after school was over. Since I was technically seventeen, but really only fifteen because of the time difference in Neverland, we figured school was pointless at this point. I also found a fox on a trek through the woods one night that became my most trusted companion, named Todd.

But Storybrooke was a villain paradise. Together, we fought off a wicked witch, who ended up being my aunt, an evil snow queen, a sea witch, a dragon queen, and a puppy killer. Our most recent enemy being Emma and Hook themselves. But they all came with a price of defeat. The most painful was losing Bae himself.