Tired Of Hoping You'll Love Me Back

The End Of Hoping

Hello there, I'm Sam and I'm the lazy boy who everyone knows from left to right. But I'm not famous for being lazy... well, maybe a bit. Hahaha, but really, no, I'm quite famous because of being attractive and appealing to the female's eyes and also by being the top 1 confession nagger in the campus.

Now, you would likely ask what the hell is a 'confession nagger'. Well, a confession nagger is someone who just doesn't get tired of confessing to their crush. Or to their special someone in campus. In my case, I never have gotten tired of confessing to my big time crush, Charlie.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen! I am in love with the most amazing girl known to man, and I can't stop falling for her every single minute of the day.

Oh, shoot! She's coming near! "Good morning, Charlie!" I greeted her enthusiastically with a bright smile. She also smiled back and greeted, "Good morning, Sam. How's it going?" she asked. I gave her a cheeky grin before saying, "Everything's good." she smiled and went in the classroom and took her seat.

Then, Anthony, my greatest rival came in the classroom- laughing his head off. I almost snorted when he stopped in his tracks as Charlie turned her head to see who just came in and he smiled at her, "Morning," he greeted to Charlie. Then he turned to me, "Oh, hello there, Sam." he said but not like how he sounded overly happy when he greeted Charlie. I only nodded as a greeting.

We all took our seats. It's quite ironic how my seat is in front of Charlie and Anthony's seat is just behind Charlie's. Still, it was quite unfair that Anthony can bother her anytime for he won't get caught looking at Charlie. I sighed.

Class begun. But no matter how hard I try to concentrate in class, I just always get bothered by Charlie sighing behind me. So I looked back, I saw her stressed out expression and I grew worried. What can she be thinking? I asked in my head. "Samuel! Pay attention!" I heard my teacher shout. I heard Anthony snicker and ruffled Charlie's hair, "Stop it!" I heard Charlie lowly hiss at him. I silently cursed and turned to face the board again. "Anthony! Stop bothering Charlie!" he was also scolded. Good for him. After that, everything was like a blur that passed me and I didn't notice that it was already lunch.

"Class dismissed." Our professor said and went out of the room. I quickly rose up from my seat and strode my way towards Charlie, who was with her friends already by the back of the room. When her friends saw me approaching they quickly pushed each other to leave Charlie for a minute. As I reached her spot, she turned around to see me right in front of her. She smiled, "You need something, Sam?" she asked me.

I shook my head and opened my mouth, "We need to talk." I said seriously. She sighed and said, "Let's go." and I lead the way.

We went to the park in the campus. I told her to take a seat on the swing but she shook her head. So I shrugged and we stood there awkwardly, well I think the atmosphere was awkward. We were silent, no one was talking. "Sam... what are we going to talk about here?" she asked, breaking the silence. I inhaled sharply and said in a shaky voice, "I- I want to confess my love for you." I told lowly. Her eyes widened, "But Sam... you have been confessing to me in every single day." she awkwardly laughed. I frowned and said, "I'm serious, Charlie. I'm going to confess to you, one last time and I need my answer whether do I have a chance or not." I said seriously. She was silent and nodded her head.

"Okay here goes." I breathed in and looked at her straight in the eye, "Charlie, I've been admiring you for a very long time now and it's unexplained. It's so hard to believe that my admiration for you had become love. I've fallen for you, Charlie. I swoon whenever you smile, whenever you erupt that cute giggle of yours. I can't even take my eyes off you when you're in deep concentration when answering sir's troublesome question! I hate it when you cry, and all I want to do is hug and comfort you but unfortunately I don't know how. I want to tell you everyday that you're so beautiful until it's been drilled in your head. I'm in love with you." I said, my eyes searching anything- anything in her eyes as a sign that I have a chance. But none, I only saw pity. Oh, God, no. Please, God. Don't make her say it.

"Sam..." she uttered my name, and for the first time; I don't want to hear my name from her lips. She looked at me, her eyes pitiful as she bit her quivering lips. Her voice shook when she said, "Sam, I- I'm sorry but... I love someone else." her voice broke at the end. I stared at her. Only stared at her. She still looked at me with those pitiful eyes. The edge of my lips lifted up, ever so slowly and I smiled. I laughed even, "That answer, huh? That's alright! No damage done!" I laughed. Still she looked at me with the same expression. "Sam..." she mumbled my name. My laughter stopped and I eventually needed to bow down my head, "I have to go, Charlie. T- Thanks for the time, though." I said and slowly turned my back with my head slowly lifting up. Tears streaming down my cheeks.

"Sam?" she called. I stopped in my tracks, my fists clenching tightly. "I'm sorry," she repeated. My whole body shook and I didn't notice that I was already running out of the park and off towards the deserted classroom. I cried my heart out. I punched the wall, so many times. I trashed violently. I screamed at the top of my lungs. I did everything to try and lessen the pain. But I can't. It won't.

My cries eventually died down to sobs, "I should have known..." I sobbed. "I should've seen it coming..." I mumbled more. "I shouldn't have been such a fool expecting to be loved back." I said and finally, my sobbing had come to a halt and I said in a flat tone, "Guess, it's quite tiring hoping that you'll love me back." I whispered.