What can I get for you?

The contrast

You are a nerd, glasses and some acnes from studying too late into the night. At home, you are the only child with only a pet guinea pig for company as your parents work 24/7. The only thing you know about your parents is that they hate it when you fail your exams... the marks must be consistently in the 90s. 

At school, the situation is even worse. You made the wrong impression once when you thought swearing was the 'in' thing due to a month spent on watching 'popular Youtube videos'. After that, people avoided you like the plague and only talked to you when required. Of course, that doesn't stop that from bullying you. You are bullied, but you don't dare to speak up against them because you know it would make the situation worse. Worst case scenario? Telling your mum the reason why they bullied you. She would most probably kick you out of the house! You are used to being ignored and laughed at for your mum-approved clothes and homemade packed lunch. These mostly include large, brownish coloured sweaters and baked kale and sandwiches. It hurts, especially since you're sensitive. 

You need a constant in your life yet your friends always desert you when you need their friendship and support the most. They HATE it when you do better than them at tests but you can't help it. It hurts the way they just spill your secrets whenever they feel angry at you, the way they turn their back on you without realising it. After many years of second chances, you realise that you are only their pawn to get on the teacher's good side and thus, you end your friendship with them, (feeling satisfied by the look of shock on their faces when you break the news to them) and end up spending the rest of the year's recess in the toilet, crying. 

You are so depressed that you start contemplating suicide. Everyday, you would walk home, wondering how and why life changed so negatively. Your dad is refusing to speak to you at all for no apparent reason. Your mum  is kind but tied down with work. All in all, you are completely alone with your thoughts. You start writing a notebook filled with plans to die in it. These range from strangling yourself to taking a knife from the kitchen drawer. Of course, you keep this notebook securely hidden. 

No one can know. You have to pretend. Or else people will mock you for being weak. You have to smile through the pain. That is the rule of this school. Pretend and fake your way through it. Think Mean Girls but worse.

However, after a day of relentless mocking and jeering from the hallway, you can stand it no longer. You tried to commit suicide in the toilet, tightening your scarf around your neck. Just as death approaches and you go into a state of unconsciousness, knowing that death is looming over you, you wake up... realising that you're in a hospital and that you're attempted suicide is being posted on all media platforms.

When you're discharged and are deemed fit enough to go back to school, you're kicked straight into the guidance office. What follows is a lengthy round of "I'm here for you, talk to me about your feelings." At home, "I'm so disappointed with you", "You can talk to us, we're here for you". At school, "Yeah that **** is the one who tried to kill herself... isn't she mental?" and "What a coward." You friends start gossiping about you, spilling even more secrets about you and your life.  

However, a new piece of gossip is spreading around the school.

 "Harry Styles saved her." 

"Harry? The popular guy? Omg! Lucky!"

"I wish that was me"

"Don't bet on it... he doesn't even look at her. He's most probably disgusted by her cowardly act."

You don't pay attention to the gossip, thinking that it is just spiteful rumors. After all, why and how would he rescue you! He didn't even visit you in hospital after 'rescuing' you!

Loads of garbage, you think. But after that, you can't help looking for him, thinking about thanking him. You try to catch his attention, but you're often bypassed by him waving to his friends.

He is the popular one, getting hi-fives from his friends as he walks down the hallways to class. In a band, he is the favourite of teachers and the student body alike. Handsome does not describe him... in fact, there are NO words to describe him... gorgeous doesn't even cut it. Every girl wishes he would look at her and ask her out. But its not just his looks that appeal to you. He is kind, stepping up for those bullied. Generous, caring, geeky, funny.... he's everything that you like. You admire Harry for everything that he does but you also resent him for being loved, even when he beats his friends in tests. You wish that you could get to know him better, or at least thank him... but how? He will never stoop down to your level, no matter how kind he is. How many times has he ignored your gaze and waved to someone else? How often have you tried to talk to him but end up being ignored as he pretends he didn't hear you? 

The harsh reality is this. School life is a game of popularity. You are NOT popular. And for that, he'll never talk to you.