Humanity's Hope: Book 1 in the Saving Humanity Series

CHAPTER 18

Caleb tightened his grip on Jan's hand. When was the last time someone had shown him this much compassion? And Matt didn't count. Caleb wasn't convinced he could trust Matt or that he wasn't acting out of selfishness. There was just something about Jan that seemed so caring, so genuine. He couldn't place what it was exactly, but he could feel it. He felt it when they had pizza the first time, and she said she had seen his favorite movies. It was weird, but he felt connected to her. Caleb had survived on his own, and he could continue to do so, but it was also nice to be with people. The more he thought about it, the more he realized the BZ—Lilah—had shown him compassion also. There was a gentleness about her, something very childlike. He remembered how pathetic she looked holding the stump where her arm had been ripped off and how she'd helped him to his feet after he'd collapsed. That caused him to shudder slightly. He thought about the regulars in their ghetto and how vacant their eyes were—how mindless their actions were. But Lilah was different. She had thoughts and could act on her own. And so could those RBZs that haunted the alleys. Was that his fate? Would he become one of them? He shuddered again.

"Are you all right?" Jan asked. She placed a hand on Caleb's arm.

"I don't know. I don't know what's going to happen."

She squeezed his arm. "None of us do. But that's just life."

Caleb shook his head. True, in a way, that was life. None of them knew exactly what would happen in the next hour, but he could make an educated guess what fate could befall her by taking on this risk of helping him. "I know that you could suffer the same fate as Rachel."

Jan clicked her tongue and gently pushed his arm. "You still dwelling on that? I could also get struck by lightning or choke on pizza crust or fall down the stairs at work. You don't need to worry about me. I can take care of myself." She turned her gaze from him and pulled her hands into her lap.

Caleb's hand chilled without her flesh to warm it. He wanted her hand back in his, but he didn't have the confidence to reach for it. She also had a faraway look in her eye, as if she was lost in her thoughts. Her lips were pressed into a thin line; her eyes scrunched to narrow slits. She took long deep breaths and held them for a few seconds in between. Was she fighting back the urge to cry? Caleb reached forward and placed a hand on her shoulder. He was sure she was holding back tears. He'd seen the look many times before. It was the look of remembering the hard times and doing terrible things to survive. The look of remembering lost loved ones.

Jan cleared her throat and turned back to him. She grabbed both of his hands in hers and turned them so she could view his tattoos. "Why wings?"

Caleb felt exposed, as if she could see through the ink at the scars below. "To remind myself that one day I'll get to fly away from here and be free." He shrugged one shoulder. "I just don't know if it will be with angels or devils."

She rubbed her thumbs over the tattoos. Caleb cringed slightly, but he also enjoyed her touch.

"You still haven't told me why the angel wing is on the left."

"Not everyone has a good side. Even if we wish we did."

Jan cocked her head to the side. "So I guess you think no matter what you're doomed to be with devils or fallen angels. Maybe we all are. We've all done things we aren't proud of that we wish we didn't have to do." She turned his hands over and placed hers on top. "That doesn't mean you're a terrible person." She opened her mouth like she was going to say something, but then closed it and forced a smile. "It's getting late. You need to tell me your plan so we can get this accomplished."

Part of him really wanted to know what she had been about to say, but the other part knew it was something terrible, something dark, something to do with the undead, and that part of him was content not to hear it.