Wattpad Rants

The Adventures of Food Boy

I came across this masterpiece many years ago when I was still into the DC movies and I, as a child, thought it was a masterpiece. The acting was superb, the plot was intricate with multiple fleshed out sub-plots and so much more. The movie was so good that 75% of people liked it along with amazing reviews. 

I'm just kidding. The movie was a bit of a joke, but the reviews made it the best thing ever. I'll be putting the first three reviews I saw down below:

When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security. — Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their Public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected, whereby the Legislative Powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.Overall, great movie, I enjoyed every second. Especially the lessons learned about power and how humans perceive it rather than how it actually is used.

To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand The Adventures of Food Boy. The humor is extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of theoretical physics most of the jokes will go over a typical viewer's head. There's also Foodboy's nihilistic outlook, which is deftly woven into his characterisation - his personal philosophy draws heavily from Narodnaya Volya literature, for instance. The fans understand this stuff; they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate the depths of these jokes, to realize that they're not just funny- they say something deep about LIFE. As a consequence people who dislike The Adventures of Foodboy truly ARE idiots- of course they wouldn't appreciate, for instance, the humour in Foodboy's existencial catchphrase "Wubba Lubba Dub Dub," which itself is a cryptic reference to Turgenev's Russian epic Fathers and Sons I'm smirking right now just imagining one of those addlepated simpletons scratching their heads in confusion as Dan Harmon's genius unfolds itself on their television screens. What fools... how I pity them. 😂 And yes by the way, I DO have a The Adventures of Foodboy tattoo. And no, you cannot see it. It's for the ladies' eyes only- And even they have to demonstrate that they're within 5 IQ points of my own (preferably lower) beforehand.

The very existence of this movie is nothing more than the quick planning of several people with I.Q.s higher than the average person. Around 700+. The advanced calculations and trigonometry use to make this move is astonishing and the jokes used within- will pass over the heads of those unwilling to accept the truth that The Adventures of Food Boy is a movie with such great detail it may as well be Shrek five combined with the fourth Bee movie. People thought Shrek was the best movie to ever be but this master piece of a film proves all of those people wrong. To deny the greatness of this movie is the equivalent of fully supporting I.S.I.S. and Third Wave Feminism.

So those were the reviews. There were a lot more, and I couldn't tell if they were joking, but I just wanted to inform you of this for when you have 20 minutes to spare.

A/N not a rant. i also skipped the third actual review for the movie because it was kinda boring.