I wake up to find myself in the same place as always. My own personal hell, I hated living here I don't find my life worth living anymore. My mother who was my bestfriend died when i was 12, i'm 17 now and when she passed my father turned to drinking his problems away. I can't say I blame him, he loved her as much as I did but whenever he gets angry he takes it out on me. I have bruises all over my body and cuts along my wrists. Yes that's my form of escape I self harm and i'm not proud but it helps deal with the pain of missing my mom and getting beaten by my dad. Even though I call him my father I can't really say I count him as one. Even before my mother passed away he was never really what I would call nurturing I can honestly say I have no love for him. I hate waking up everyday to get hurt by somebody who is supposed to love and care for me. I miss you mom and always will.
I get up out of bed and go look at myself in a big mirror my mom had given to me when i was 8. I lifted up my shirt to see the bruises that my father had left me from last night, I can honestly say that they're some of the worst i've seen on myself. I poked it once to see how badly it hurt only to find myself doubled over wincing in pain.
I tell myself to just go and lay down it was Sunday morning I didn't need to be awake. I went and laid down and put my hand under my pillow to comfort my head. I close my eyes but can't seem to fall asleep, I decide to get up and grab a box I had hidden in my room. The box had note books after notebooks all about Pierce, I loved him with every inch of my body but he didn't like me back and of coarse I knew he didn't because he treated me like shit in school. He was my bully.
I took out my first notebook that I ever wrote anything about him in,it dated back all the way to 2009 and it was 2014. Yes I've known him since elementary school. Since the first day he ever hit me I've loved him.
I read the first journal entry dated 9/17/09
*He's so cute eww why am I thinking like that he's a boy boys are gross*
I giggled at myself for writing like that since now all I think about is him. I read my notebooks that have everything to do with him in it. When I finally finish it's dark outside so I click my iPod when the time says 6:00 Pm I sigh. I haven't eaten all day.
I walk down to the kitchen to get some food I'm not surprised that my father isn't here he normally is at the bar at this time. I grab some chips and head back to my room when I finally make it I lock the door behind me and open my window just in case I had to make a run for it.
I pack a bag with a jacket and extra clothes just in case I had to stay outside I put my iPod in my speaker and blared Sober Serenade by Flyleaf. I danced around for about 30 seconds before my father bursted through the door. He looked right into my eyes I could see he had murder in his. I ran for my bag which was on my bed but he got there before me. My bed was about 3 feet from the wall next to my window. My father threw me to the wall when I hit it I winced in pain. I felt tears going down my cheeks from the amount of pain I was in. I looked at him wiping my eyes. "Please you've hurt me enough" I screamed in between sobs. "You little bitch you deserve everything you fucking get" he screamed right back. He kicked me in the stomach right where the bruise from last time was. "I fucking hate you just leave me alone"! I screamed sounding pained. "You fucking whore". That was the last thing he screamed before he punched me in the face that's when I blacked out.
