Pretend || h.s

What more is there?

  The table was cold as I laid there and stared at the ceiling. Harry sat diagonal to the monitor, closely studying it for god knows what.

We haven't spoken all morning, just the light "good morning" and "ready to go?" This is normal to us now. We go through the motions, never actually acting them out.

The doctor came in shortly after, a smile plastered on her face "hello! So nice to meet you, my name is Dr. Smith, I'll be checking in on your baby here to see how everything is cooking" she ended with a smile, I guess feeling the tension so thick you could cut it with a knife.

I smiled a faint smile. I should be happy. I should feel the excitement of being an expecting mother, I should have the support from my fiancé that every happy mother beams about; instead, I lay there emotionally checked out, and Dr. Smith notices

"Meredith? How are you feeling? Any complaints?" She sits on the round stool next to the monitor, tilting her head slightly to the right, as if to try to understand. Trust me, you don't.

I cleared my throat and Harry's eyes snapped to me, ready to hear what I had to say.

"Well, um I guess I'm okay. The baby doesn't move much yet. But then again I don't know when that's supposed to happen" I feel like my skin is itching, wanting to be ripped open. My face is hot and I'm sweating. I sound so stupid. I should know this shit right?

"Oh! The baby should be doing that already..." the Doctor trailed off, looking at her note pad and scanning through the words. My breath is stuck in my throat. I can't think.

"Well can you check the baby?" Harry finally speaks up, as if he saw me breaking at the seams ready to completely combust

"Yes I can do that right now, let's see how the little one is doing shall we?" She sets her notepad down and gently gestures for me to lift my shirt up. I do, and I feel completely vulnerable.

My bump is small, not big enough to be killer on my back but big enough I can't hide it anymore. Our assistant let the news out last week about the baby, and the comments never stopped coming

"BREAKING NEWS! THE CELEBRITY 'IT' COUPLE HARRY STYLES AND MEREDITH YOUNG ARE EXPECTING THEIR FIRST CHILD"

"MEREDITH YOUNG THE NEW INSPIRING MODEL WHO HAD HER WHOLE LIFE COMING TOGETHER DECIDED TO GET PREGNANT"

The Instagram comments seemed to hit me the hardest:

"Why her"
"She will never be good enough for harry"
"Did they really just ruin their lives like that?"
"Harry. Whyyyy"
"Now she'll get fat and lose her modeling job"

I can't say I don't blame people for being pissed. We never really wanted this, Harry was a newly solo artist, topping charts and rolling in money. I was a model, I was scouted on the streets of New York City and rose to the top so fast I was dizzy. I went from working a 9-5 job to making $50,000 a photo shoot. I was humble and never took anything I had for granted, yet here I am. Taking for granted the child I will soon be bringing into this beautifully destroyed way of living

Doctor Smith poured some clear jelly like lube onto the bottom of my stomach and pressed a white probe onto it. After some searching, the baby showed up on the small monitor, immediately snatching the breath from my lungs. My hand reached up to my mouth, covering my slack jaw.

Harry put his elbows on his knees leaning forward slightly, head pressed against his hands that were flatly pushed together.

The baby squirmed slightly when Doctor Smith rolled the head of the probe over me, making my heart skip a beat. The warmth in my heart spread throughout my body, completely disabling the emptiness I once held.

"There- there it is!" She smiled brightly. It felt as if the room had opened up, and the light shown through the windows.

"H-Harry" I muttered sitting up to get a better view of the monitor. Catching my action, Doctor Smith pushes the screen towards us more.

Harry grabbed my hands and widened his eyes at me, probably surprised I spoke to him.

"That's our baby" I whispered, looking him straight in his beautiful eyes

"Yes, my love. It is" he smiled a big smile, the biggest I've seen in awhile.

"Would you like to know the sex?" Doctor Smith questioned, not wanting to break our intimate moment

We turned back to her, nodding gingerly, the hold Harry had on my hand tightened

Doctor Smith shifted the probe around on my stomach a bit to try and get a better angle on the lower half of the baby. After a few moments she smiled, hitting a button and flashes of light came across the screen- pictures.

"It's a girl" she spoke, dragging out the last part for effect.

"A girl" I admitted to myself, trying to soak in the information to my already empty thoughts.

Harry suddenly got up from his seat and swiftly grabbed my face, kissing me all over. I used my hand to push him back, making him grab my hands, kissing those as well, I giggled at his actions

"A little girl" he snickered, looking like an excited little boy on Christmas morning.

If only I would have known, people around you are only has happy as they can pretend to be

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*its really been a whole 2 years since I updated this I feel so ashamed *