Marriage Facade

Simula

I grew up with a broken family. My Dad was having an affair and for years, my Mom just kept quiet. I didn't understand why. Bakit hinahayaan mong saktan ka ng lalaking dapat minamahal ka? Bakit hindi mo kayang ipaglaban ang karapatan mo?

Where did you gathered all the strength to stay in a marriage when all that's left is a mere memory of happiness that didn't even last long?

Why do you keep on choosing him when it's obvious that he'll choose her?

Those are just some of the questions in my mind. I couldn't understand everything. If my Mom just fought for what's hers, siguro masaya kaming tatlo. Maybe we wouldn't end up as a fucked up family. But she's selfish because, until her least breath, she still chose my Dad over herself. She ended her life because she thought that doing so will make everything better.

But how?

My Dad never felt guilty of what he did. He was-- is happy. He married his woman. He let her live in our home. He gave everything my Mom should have.

Nakita ko kung gaano niya kamahal ang babae niya. I realized maybe that's what's missing. Love. My Dad never loved my Mom because if he did, he shouldn't have betrayed her.

Love. It's one thing I longed to have because if someone loves you, you'll never be left behind... you'll never be broken... you'll never be cheated on.

So, I waited, searched and prayed to have a man who would love me the way I deserve. And when I finally met him, it was as if all the years I've spent living with betrayals became worth it.

I found home in him.

"D-derek, be honest with me..."

Mula sa pagkakayuko ay inangat ko ang mga mata ko. I tried so hard not to cry in front of him. Halos malasahan ko na ang dugo sa diin ng pagkagat ko sa labi ko. I can't do this...

"Are you seeing another woman?" nanginginig ang mga labing sambit ko.

Lumuhod siya sa harap ko at hinawakan ang kamay ko. Hindi ako makagalaw sa kinauupuan ko. "Baby, no, you are the only woman in my life. Just you and our daughter," nagsusumamong sabi niya habang diretsong nakatingin sa mga mata ko.

It felt like my heart broke into pieces. It hurts. A lot. Hinawakan niya ang pisngi ko para haplusin. Napakislot ako sa ginawa niya at iniwas ang tingin.

I looked at the large picture frame hanged in the wall. It was our wedding picture-- the day he swore to God he'll only pledge himself to me.

"Baby, please, how many times do I have to tell you na ikaw lang. I can never cheat on you," sabi niya habang marahang hinahalikan ang pisngi ko.

I clutched my chest because it gets heavier with every word he utters. Fuck this life.

"Derek, for once, be honest with m-me."

"I love you. How could I lie to you?"

I'm tired of hearing that same old lines. I know him better than what's coming out of his mouth. He could've just tell me the truth. Gaano ba kahirap sabihing hindi na ako sapat para sa kaniya?

"A-re you seeing another woman?" I asked him again.

Nakatingin pa rin ako sa picture frame. Hindi ko kayang marinig ang sagot niya habang tinititigan siya sa mga mata.

I know how fucking good he is in lying.

"No. I love you..." bumaba ang halik niya sa leeg ko. "Ikaw lang, Amelia, ikaw lang."

Hindi ko napigilan ang mga luhang kumawala sa mata ko. Malakas na napahikbi ako habang pilit na pinupunasan ang luha.

Memories of what happened earlier rushed into my mind.

Ada is pregnant. His woman is pregnant.

Tumayo ako sa kinauupuan ko at humakbang palayo sa kaniya. Hindi ko kayang isiping mabuhay na wala siya. How could I when we've been together for years? I depended on him. My life would crumble down if I let him go.

But I don't deserve this.

It pains me to walk away but what good will it bring if stay?

I thought love is enough. Guess what? It isn't.

He can love you and still lie to you.

He can love you and still cheat on you.

It's funny how I thought love is the answer to everything. Now, I understand my Mom. She chose to ignore what's happening around her because she can't live without him. But I'm not my Mom.

I won't be like her.

I don't want to end up like her.

"I heard from your secretary that Castillo Tech is about to go bankrupt. I wonder how would your investor, Mr. Martinez, react if he sees a video of her daughter fucking my husband," I stopped but I never looked back. "You should've lied better."

That's it. I'm done.

I'm fucking done.