Call me a pessimistic but my optimistic levels are low.
I read and see some many things,
there so much better then I can ever dream to be.
I read and compare,
I sing and compare,
I feel and compare,
and compare and compare,
only to notice how much I fail
everything done by me is just like anything else on the street
and after writing this I'll probably scold myself
felling pity for one is not something good to show
so I'll compare my way of pitting to others
always trying to reach that person standards
failure never tasted so bitter
the metallic sweat know as despair
is a constant reminder of how I will never reach whats out there.
but I'll continue to write,
and compare,
and read,
and compare,
and compare, and compare
I'll continue on with my insecurities
as others grow and better
I'll be the one in the audience,
cheering you on,
wishing, dreaming, hoping
but failing to one day take your place
in that insecurity-free winners chair
besides,
the taste of sweet failure,
along with that metallic sweat of despair,
added with some insecurities,
is a deadly mix that's to addicting
I've grown to know the three well
so I'll stay in my unfortunate place
my pessimistic shallow shell
It's tight, it's cold
it's me
it's what I will always only amount to be
it's my empty canvas but one with so many imperfections
and I try to hide my face
in a shield of hair and fake smiles
wishing to void myself from what the people of the world have to say
I know I'm not perfect
I'm far from it
I try to change
but the empty vessel of my securities are not helping with the game
so I hid myself,
I leave notes of what I can change
of what things would be like if I could only had that one girl's face
but that sweet taste of failure is addicting
so I'll swallow it whole with that bitter sweat of despair dripping down my back,
letting everyone know it's there.
Then I'll compare the whole process like I was solving the steps to a problem
using the scientific method like it was a job given by God
collect data
compare
write down ending results
and repeat.
The insecurities that come with comparing myself are sickly comforting
so I'll keep my sweet sweaty shell on like a cape on Batman's back
billowing in the wind always attached to the costume of my sin.
