The Last Summer

Cameron

It was definitely a fun first night. Juliet and Heather were a little wary of us going on the roof, but thanks to some good convincing from Amanda and Isabelle we all changed into our pj’s and went up. The view of the sunset was unbelievably beautiful and it was cozy sitting together on the roof in a comfortable silence. After a moment Lucy sighs and says, “What do you guys want to do most this summer?”

“Have fun before college.” I say quietly. “I think that’s what everyone want to do after they graduate high school.”

“Well duh.” Lucy says. “But I meant like personal achievements before we actually head back home and then off to college.”

“Not sure.” Isabelle says with a sigh. “I mean I’ve never really thought about a personal goal for the summer.”

“What about the ten of us not killing each other?” Ruby suggests getting a few quiet laughs. “You guys know I don’t do the deep stuff.”

“True,” Cara says. “But isn’t there anything you really want to do before college?”

“Maybe.” Ruby shrugs. “I’m with Isabelle I’ve never really thought about it that much.”

“I know what I want to do.” Amanda says after a minutes silence. I turn to her and see her gazing up at the first stars with something I can’t quite place in her eyes. “I want to stop being so scared of the future. I mean when I think about it I was scared to actually go to college in high school that I never really tried to get good enough grades for a CSU or something and senior year just stressed me out so much because I realized… I realized that I’m so scared of the future and what might happen that I’m trying to stop it from happening.”

I look out at the ocean and think about her words. It was true, Amanda was so stressed this year that she got less sleep than Juliet and Cara who took all advanced classes and not just basics or ‘fun’ electives. But I never thought she was scared of the future. She was always talking about how she was going to go to the local community college, get her teaching credentials, and then go straight into a job interview for a position as a kindergarten teacher. Maybe the reason she always bringing it up was to reassure herself that that’s what she really wanted to do.

“What about you guys?” Amanda asks.

“I want to try and have a,” Isabelle starts to say, “a good relationship with somebody. Not like family or friends, but love. I want a boyfriend that I know loves me and cares for me the way I care for them.”

I think I hear someone scoff and turn to Amanda, she probably would have, but she’s too busy staring at the stars. A quick glance around the group shows that no one has a judging look on their face.

Isabelle looks around nervously, I can tell by her facial expressions that she’s thinking they’re all going to say something negative about her comment. “I know you guys aren’t as interested in that kind of thing, but…this is something I want to accomplish before I have to start school. A little rollercoaster, a little fun.”

“No one’s judging you Isabelle.” Juliet says sympathetically. “Besides mine’s not that much of anything. I just want to know what I want to be when I graduate. And I guess it would work as a person as well, but mostly as in what profession I want to go into.”

“Well that makes sense.” Lucy says. “I mean why spend half of your time figuring out what you want to do once you get out?”

“What about you Sofia?” I ask.

“I’m not sure.” She says, resting her chin on her knees. “Maybe something to do with relaxing or taking things one at a time. I’m not fully sure right now. Maybe I’ll know in the morning.”

“Lucy?” Juliet says. “What about you? You brought it up.”

“Yeah.” Lucy sighs. “I think I want to try and do something that’s totally different for me.” I frown as she continues. “I mean something that I wouldn’t really think about doing back home. I just kind of want to figure out who I really want to be and I feel like I could do that by trying something out of my comfort zone.”

“I feel that.” Sarah says. “I want to try and become my own person. Break away from what I’ve always known and just be me around different people.”

“Maybe we should do this later.” Ruby says. “Like when I’m not around.”

I look at Amanda just in time to see her roll her eyes. I can tell she wants to say something, but she bites her lip and stays quiet. I wonder how much restraint it takes for her to do so. I know she has a lot of opinions and sometimes that’s perfect, but at times like this I think it must take a miracle to keep her quiet. I look at the others and see that Juliet and Cara are giving each other similar looks of concern. I’ve always known that Ruby hated it when it was around one in the morning at sleepovers and we would go into our deep conversations, but I never knew that it bothered those three so much. I know Amanda has a therapist that she sees, she mentioned it a while back, but I didn’t think those talks were so important.

I sigh and say, “It is getting a little late. Maybe we could pop in a movie and then head to bed after?”

“Sure.” Heather says. “My aunt has a lot of movies and I already hooked up my Netflix before we got swimming.”

“Sounds good.” Sarah says.

“Do we have to?” Isabelle says. “You guys know I pass out whenever I watch movies.”

“Then a quick game of Cards Against Humanity and then bed?” Sofia says. “I brought my pack because I figured someone would want to play at some point.”

“Good thinking Sofia.” Amanda says, standing up and hugging her stomach. “Really quickly though I have to take out my contacts and take my pills.”

“Have fun.” I say as she descends the ladder.

If Amanda makes a fart noise at me as she heads inside I don't hear it.