If Only To Be Loved

• chapter one •

Lilian laid engulfed in her own thoughts on the trampoline in her backyard, staring at the stars it almost seemed like she had nothing to worry about.

Her life is perfect, she has a family that loves her, her parents aren't divorced, her Mother isn't an alcoholic, and she knew where her dad was.

But she knew all too well none of that was reality.

She was depressed.

She has an older brother who doesn't forget to remind her that she's a mistake every day.

Her parents divorced when she was only 11 years old.

Her Mother was a drunk, who only cares if she had enough money to head off to the bar for the night.

And her Father, well she hadn't seen or heard from him since tbe divorce.

Her life sucked.

She checked he phone that had been lying beside her and sighed, it was almost 4AM. With what seemed like more effort than it should've been, she sat up on the tramp her Dad had set up when she was eight, and trudged through the tattered backyard into the house.

The lights were off and everyone was asleep, so as quietly as she could, she crept through the creaky wood floors into her small room.

Once she had shut the door, she took her oversized hoodie off and stared at her wrists. "Three days clean." She whispered to herself, staring at the wounds on her arm.

A tear had threatened to spill down her cheek as she thought about caving in once more.

She tried to rid the thought of her brain as she slipped into her pajamas, brushed her hair out, washed her face, and brushed her teeth.

With the thought somewhat gone, she turned out the lights and slipped into bed.

"I guess I survived another day." Once again her voice came out as a whisper, "I wonder how many more I will survive." Then, with what seemed as though took no effort at all, she drifted into a restless sleep.

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The next morning, she woke up with a groan, pulled herself out of bed, and into the shower.

After her shower, she combed through her black hair and changed into a baggy grey sweater, some black leggings, and her white Doc Martins.

After she had dried her hair and straightened it, like she normally did, she followed her normal make up routine. Covering up the many blemishes she had, quickly rubbing some powder over her tan face, and putting dark eyeshadow on the lid of her bright green eyes.

After she had finished her look, she took a step back from the mirror and sighed, "Guess this is as good as you're going to get, Lil." She said to herself.

She grabbed her backpack and headed downstairs, mentally preparing herself for the day ahead.

Once she reached the end of the stairs, she took another sigh and made her way into the kitchen.

"Oh look Mom, the emo has awoken." Her brother Travis said with the normal evil glint in his eyes. Her Mom just laughed her drunken laugh.

Lilian said nothing to the hurtful remark, she was used to it.

She left the house without saying goodbye and got into her Mom's broken down old car and put the keys in the ignition before pulling out of the driveway and on to conquer her next obstacle.

School.

**********************************
Guess who's back
Back again
Kaylea's back
Tell a friend

Yes! I am back, and let me tell you, I've missed ya'll!

It feels so good to be writing again.

I'm really looking forward to writing this story!

This chapter is more of introducing Lilian and her way of thinking to ya'll.

The next chapter will kind of be introducing Jude, the other main character in this story.

I really hope ya'll like it!

Anyway, it's about 1:30AM and I'm really tired so I'm going to head to sleep.

Later lovelies!

Next update: Saturday
(As if now I'm thinking about updating every other day, we'll see how long that lasts. 😜)