My heart still hurts.
I am still enveloped by a pure feeling that turns my smile into hard tears. The wounds caused by his "goodbye" remain open. And not even that wound prevents me now, that he's in front of me, from loving him so much.
"Hello my angel." He says while approaching me with a lovely smile. I should hate him right now. I should hate him for what he put me through, I should hate him for the simple naturalness with which he addressed those painful words. I know I should hate him but my heart can't.
His smile disappears as soon as he notices the impact that his words had on me. I wanted to say that there was no problem and recover the missing smile of his that warms my heart, but I couldn't. He shouldn't have said that and he shouldn't even be here.
But I'm grateful to him for that. For showing me that the person I fell in love with still resides in him. The person that I love. The person for whom I suffer. The same person who is here now, looking ashamed before my cold and stern gaze.
I allow myself to look at his face. His green eyes, which were once bright and cheerful, are distant and lifeless. At first glance, the two black spots that emerge under his dead eyes stand out. However, in a deeper view, anguish and a struggle similar to mine, between love and hate, is visible. It's like a shot in my heart.
He was always an elegant and perfectly arranged young man, wherever he went, he attracted the eyes of several women. Seeing him like this, submissive to the pain that surrounds him, prevented my heart from hating him and instead, I am invaded by a strong need to embrace and console him until all his pain leave his soul.
"I know it may seem inconvenient, but do you want to go get something to eat with me?" As I don't give an answer, he comes over and gently grabs my hand, not knowing how much I missed his touch, whispers: "I know I made a mistake and you hate me now, but I want to amend this mistake, if you allow me to. You are the most important person I have and just thinking about the possibility of never getting back to you, my heart panicked. "
I hold, with all my strength, the tears that, possessively, want to run down my face. I grasp the desire to explode and make him understand all the suffering he has caused me with just "goodbye". He continues to speak, but I cannot hear. Like he's way too distant from me. A voice inside me tells me that I should just close the door and let him go, but my sensitive heart, which constantly reminds me of the honest and caring person he is, will not let me go without an explanation. Lost in my thoughts, I don't even notice when I start talking.
"Why did you go? Why did you run away from me if I'm as important as you say?" My voice sounds calmer and more serene than it should and I continue: "Why did you come back? Tell me why! Why should I accept to forgive you if you didn't even explain why you missed?" I notice that, all over my face, tears that I avoided seconds ago, flow. Without delay, he hurries to embrace me. He says how much he regret in my ear, like a confession to my heart and I feel small drops fall under my shoulder.
I know how sorry he is, but I don't know how prepared I am to forgive him.
