Not Ready For Love

Chapter 22

The room was so silent. Everyone stopped what they were doing. The relaxed stress free environment turned into graveyard. I could listen to the noises everyone's mind was making. My heart started to beat so fast. Rad sat up and gay turned to Rishi's side. Pari was Rishi's best friend. He and Bodha never left Rishi's side, they saw each other more than thrice a week. No one spoke no one said anything. Rishi spoke again," you guys have to understand. I see her face everywhere. I am unable to do anything. I even almost sold my bike . She sat with me on it  and we roamed around everywhere. I want to go off somewhere."

I didn't know what others were thinking but I was heartbroken. All my feelings rushed and I didn't realize what it was. I could not stop my tears. I was never in love with anyone before so I didn't know the pain of leaving your loved ones. I hated that girl immediately. I didn't know why she went off , I didn't know what happened between them even Rishi might have been the reason for their break up but all these things were null . I just plain hated her. She is the reason Rishi was hurt, she hurt him directly or indirectly, knowingly or unknowingly but she hurt him. Everyone were silent I could not control I just shouted at him," you also go. You are also like everyone else. How can you leave everyone of us and go off to someplace.?? Idiot your pain will increase, don't think it will go off. " I said.I continued with a big sigh," that too for a girl???" 

Everyone came back to ground. Everyone were pissed off. All knew and understood what Rishi was feeling. I did not understand I did not know what he felt. All I felt was my heart getting broken and my world just started coming down. Pari said," hey why are you talking like this. He won't leave us and go!! How will he leave us. Where will he go?" I replied to him," you are talking as if you don't know him!!! He does what he says . He does what he decides. If he says he will go then he will go."I asked Rishi," when are you planning to go ?"He said," after march I will be quitting and going off forever."I just broke down. Why is he leaving me??? What will I do without him?? Who will eat icecream with me? I was sad. I asked him," what is her name?"He said ," Sandhya". I told ," oh that girl . You have told me about her . I remember."I started hating her more. This was the girl who ruined my friend Rishi. This was the girl because of who my friend was going somewhere leaving me all alone. I felt like I am an orphan. I didn't want him to quit. I didn't want him to go anywhere. God I just wanted a normal friendship . Why can't I even have friends who love me for what I am. I started drinking more of whatever i could get hold of. Everyone were worried that something might happen to me. I didn't care because my one friend who knows about me who respects me is going away.Pari kept saying," he won't go. You shut up." I just got in fight with him because I kept telling," he will go off if he decides." I asked Rishi," okay I don't know about love but I know that you are in hell a lot of pain . You go where ever you want but why can't you be in touch with us?"Gay said," yeah she is right! You can take your time . It is your life. We are not saying that you should be here just because of your friends. You go but tell us and go."To which Rishi said," no you people have to understand. How can I tell you people and go??? If I hear Pari or bodha's voice I cannot go off. I will stay here. Why can't you understand?" He started tearing up.Rishi was in tears and I could hear my heart breaking into thousand pieces. My friend is in pain but I cannot sacrifice him. He was all I had.I told him," we won't agree . How can I be alone in office. You have to be here. I don't understand okay I don't. You are the only person who understands me." I wanted him near me. I just felt comfortable with him near me. I wanted him to be here so that he will call the guys who trouble me and scold them. I just wanted him here.

Rishi started saying how things will change as we got older. How rad will be married in few years and how everyone will be busy with their life. I just interrupted him and said," that is after few years. Who knows who will we get married to ? What if I get married to an old guy? Or someone who was strict? You will go off now , this is the time we all get to be together. Do you think my husband will say okay if I tell him I have got to meet my friend Rishi? You will go and when you come back I will have children. This time won't come back." I wanted to convince him immediately. I wanted him to say that he won't go but he was just silent. I have never seen Rishi like this, silently tearing up and this was all because of that girl. Suddenly I wanted to know about this female. I didn't ask him. Gay asked him," how did you meet? How did you break up?"Rishi answered," she is one girl who was  madly in love with me. We just started dating. The break up was because of me. She kept saying that she will wait even for ten years if I said yes. I never said yes because I was not in love with her. She asked me one last time and I said no. It was also because of my family and her family. She went off to Singapore. I fell for her after she was long gone. I heard that she got married. I am happy for her but i am unable to forget her. I have to go."Gay said," see she is married now. There is no use in thinking about her. There is no way now. So why are you leaving all of us?"He said," see I wanted all of you to be together. Lakshmi was one girl who was left alone. That is why I introduced her to our group. Now you people take care of her."

He had an answer for what ever me and gay asked. I just sat there silently . I could not stop my tears. I didn't know what to do. I didn't want him to go. I didn't want him to be sad I didn't want any of this. I shouted at him," this is why you called me for this trip?" And I started crying so hard. Everyone felt so bad that I was crying. Rishi said," see Lakshmi think like I am going off to onsite for two years. You all have to be without me right?"I retorted saying," don't give me that crap!!! If you go to onsite we will know when you will be going where you will be going and we would all definitely be in touch. What you are saying is completely different. Just tell me one thing you are going to go off because you miss one girl. Stupid are you an idiot. If u were here you can be with us. What are you going to so in some place alone missing that girl, us and your parents?" He did not say anything.I continued ," okay go go off for that girl. " I turned to everyone and said,"let him go". I again turned to Rishi and said," you are going to leave us some time right. You are going to forget about us . Just forget about me now . Right now. Stop talking to me . Don't ever talk to me again." Saying this I cried and went and sat on the bed with gay.