Harry
Watching Amelia walk out on me was one of the hardest things that I have ever been through and it was entirely my own fault. I fell for Shannon's tricks. I succumbed to whatever scheme she had planned and it hurt Amelia and I along the way.
I didn't know what to expect. I mulled over what Shannon told me that night over and over until I couldn't possibly take it anymore. By the time I calmed down from thinking, it genuinely crossed my mind that Amelia would do this to me. I realize that it was stupid of me to even consider that being a possibility but at the time it seemed logical.
My heart ached when she came to see me. I felt broken and even more so when I realized how ridiculous I was. Of course Amelia wouldn't do this to me. She would never use me and I was a bloody idiot to even think that she did.
When she asked me if I still thought she was using me, I just stood there without uttering a word. It's not that I thought she used me at that point, but I was still wrapped up in my head about everything that had just gone on.
She professed her love for me in her paper. She told me she loved me and I knew she meant every word of it. I was so stuck on that that I was unable to move on to anything else. I barely even processed what she told me until she was out the door. It was only when Mitch came back in the room, questioning me and yelling at me, did I realize I royally fucked up.
I didn't know what to do in that moment. I called Amelia later that night several times but she didn't answer. That's when I realized that a phone call or text wouldn't do, but unfortunately I had to leave for London or Jeff would have had my head.
I have been absolutely miserable since I left New York. I haven't spoken to Amelia so I have no idea how she is, and I feel awful about everything. I know it's not entirely my fault but I just wish I handled everything better. Since then I haven't been eating or sleeping. I've lost weight and and my mood has drastically changed. The worst part is, I have no idea how to fix it.
But I need to.
I refuse to let her out of my life. This can't be how it ends. This can't be how we end.
I quickly stumble out of my bed and pad over to my dresser, where my phone lays on top of it. For the past couple days I have done nothing but stare at the ceiling, wondering what my beautiful girl across the ocean is doing. Probably hating me, I think, but I hope that love she felt for me is still there to rekindle.
I dial up Mitch for the first time in ages. All I've done recently is shut everyone out and push away anyone who tries to talk to me.
"Harry?" Mitch answers.
"Hey," I say, my voice sounding dry. I run my hand through my hair and sit down on the edge of my bed. "I - "
I start to speak but once again I am consumed with my own damn emotions. My eyes well with tears, a couple of them escaping. My breathing also becomes heavy and strained from a small panic attack. I've suffered through them before but recently they've been frequent.
"Harry, it's okay, mate," Mitch says to me gently, aware to the fact I'm crying.
"I'm sorry," I manage to get out. "I - I don't know what to do."
"Don't apologize," Mitch tells me. "I get it, man. You're heartbroken. I'm here for you however you need, yeah?"
I sigh and pinch the bridge of my nose in my free hand.
"Yeah," I respond.
"Now what do you want to do?"
It takes me a second to realize what he's talking about.
"I don't know. I'm scared to do anything because I don't want to mess it up more than it is," I admit.
Mitch sighs.
"Harry...you can't mess it up more than what it is," he says slowly. "I think the longer you go not doing anything about it, the worse it'll get."
I bounce my leg from anxiety creeping up on me again. I should have called more. I should have been persistent with contacting her instead of letting her slip out of my grip. I'm fucking stupid for not doing more than I should have.
"Do you think she hates me?" I ask, quietly.
Mitch hesitates before answering.
"No. No, I don't. I think she still loves you but, like you, doesn't know what to do," he tells me, thoughtfully.
I feel a little bit of relief knowing that he doesn't think Amelia hates me. That was a fear of mine. The moment she stepped out of my hotel room I feared she would never love me again.
"I just want to see her," I whisper.
"I know you do. And I think you should. But I don't know if surprise visiting her is going to work this time. You already did it once, remember?" Mitch says.
I huff. Of course I remember. That was another time I was so caught up in my head. I panicked and flew to New York right away to try to patch up what I might have lost. Luckily, Amelia was receptive and it was obvious she wanted to take things further. Now I'm not so sure.
"But it worked last time," I counter, trying to come up with a plan while I talk to Mitch.
"Yeah it did. That doesn't mean it'll work again," Mitch tells me. He sighs. "Look I know you want to surprise her. I can tell that's where your head is at right now. But your relationship is different than when you went before Christmas. Before you both just liked each other. Now you're actually together-"
"We broke up."
"Did she say those words? Did you? Because the last I heard she never actually broke up with you.."
I roll my eyes even though Mitch can't see me.
"She said 'if you still think I'm using you, you don't ever have to see me again' and then I, like an arsehole, basically told her I thought she was still using me. Then she walked out. That sounds like a breakup to me," I say.
My chest hurts thinking about that night. The pain I felt, and still feel, was and is unbearable. I sound like a hurt puppy but I can't help it. Amelia was a gift in my life. She made me so fucking happy. It's a sin to give up that kind of happiness and to just let it walk out of my life. I have never been so awestruck over someone before and to know that I might have ruined her feelings toward me causes me more distress than I thought imaginable.
"Look, we don't know what she really meant. Yeah we can make deductions but unless she says the words that she is breaking up with you, I refuse to believe it, okay? So now the question is, how are we going to fix it?"
I chuckle, my tears subsiding slightly.
"We," I mutter.
I can practically feel Mitch rolling his eyes at me all the way from California.
"Harry, I've been listening to your shit for a while now. I am now a part of this relationship. So yeah, how are we going to fix it?" he responds.
It's moments like this that make me realize how lucky I am to have Mitch as a friend. I always knew he was good to me, but this just proves it again. I'm grateful to have him in my life.
Suddenly I get an idea. It's not perfect, but it's the best thought I have - better than a surprise visit from me. I worry that it won't go as planned but perhaps Mitch can help me execute it. Actually, I know I need Mitch here. The real question is, how much is he willing to help me?
"Mitch, I have an idea but I'll need your help..." I say. I bite the inside of my cheek, suddenly feeling nervous he won't be willing. I normally wouldn't ask him too much but I desperately need his help right now. I can't fly out of London because I can't miss anymore work than I already have. "How far are you willing to travel to help a friend out?"
