Gotta Have HER II | Erica & Cyn

002. Everything I wanted

Cyn:

~I had a dream
I got everything I wanted
Not what you'd think
And if I'm being honest
It might've been a nightmare~
_______

Her toned arms wrapped around my waist tightly, her head buried into my neck. I always felt so safe in her arms. This was a feeling I thought I'd never feel again yet here we were. Being away from her all of these years and yet just one moment in her presence had me completely immersed.

My arms rested over hers as I pulled her into me, impossibly close. The fragrance she wore invaded my senses. Her scent was so heavenly.

"I love you Cynthia." She whispered into my ear, causing my entire body to melt into hers. I closed my eyes, basking in this moment. I didn't know how long it would last. Her sweet breath tickled my skin as she leaned in to kiss my neck ever so gently.

"Promise me you'll never leave me again..." I whispered back pulling her closer, if that were even possible. If I pulled her any closer she'd be apart of me.

I stood there in silence as her arms suddenly disappeared from me and just like that she was gone. I quickly turned around and found nothing but darkness.

"No, no, no...Erica come back. P-please come back..." I fell to my knees in defeat. She was gone again. My eyes filled with tears as I turned around, only to see a gun pointed directly at me.

I tried to block it but it went off anyway, striking me right in my throat. I could feel the intense fire as I gasped for air. I held my neck, as blood gushed right through my fingertips.

Then her face appeared again.

"Erica..." I spoke through slumbered lips which startled my resting body awake. My head shot up as I gasped for air holding my neck.

Another dream. The same dream I'd been having for years now. Although as of recent it seemed to be a lot more frequent and felt a lot more real. I knew it was just my mind playing tricks on me. Even though there wasn't a day that passed when I didn't think about her.

She was always on my mind.

I sat up in my bed trying to get a grip on reality as I fully woke up. My hands covered my face as I sighed deeply before taking position on my temples. I massaged them gently trying to rid myself of the oncoming headache.

"Fuck..." I cursed in a whisper as I pulled myself out of bed and attempted to start my day...in real life.

After a much needed shower I walked out of my closet for what felt like the millionth time this morning. I hated the way all of my clothes had been fitting me lately. It was safe to say that I still hadn't gotten used to these postpartum curves of mine.

Nothing seemed to fit me the way that it used to and it was extremely frustrating. Don't get me wrong, I always had curves and I loved them. But honeyyyy...I was thicker than I've ever been in my entire life and it was starting to take a toll on me mentally.

After my daughter was born I snapped back in a matter of months. But after my son, those pounds stuck around a lot longer than I'd anticipated.

It was difficult for me to cope with. My body changed so much after having him. Some things got bigger, some things dropped lower and other things were just all over the place.

He was almost two now yet I was still four dress sizes bigger than I was on my wedding day.

I wouldn't trade my baby boy for the world though. He brought so much joy into my life during one of my darkest moments.