MAD BLACK WOMAN

PERIDOT

author's note: special shout out to the user who left a comment saying "Update."

The loft is lonely without Élan. So quiet and suffocating, it feels like the interior is just giggling at her solitude.

Her hand is itching to call him, at least check on him briefly so she knows he's alive and she can sleep a little better. The phone is only a breath's width away but she doesn't call him no matter how much she misses him. Maybe she's being stubborn or maybe she's punishing herself.

Maybe she's definitely punishing herself.

It takes every ounce of her being to drag herself up from lounging in bed, starting with her abdomen, the rest of her slowly following. She will not cry today or tonight, she will do something and go somewhere like productive human beings do.

Nanti thinks of calling Tamia but thinks again, all of this- the separation- is awfully embarrassing. Her friend already knows enough so what she doesn't know won't hurt her.

Her bed makes itself since she only has a half a mind when she pulls up the sheets and fluffs up the pillows. There's an internal surge of pride at her progressive actions.

She can do this.

She slips on a white dress with thin straps and strappy sandals with an impressive heel because a tailored minimalistic dress with expensive shoes is her uniform. She actually puts on makeup, fixes her hair, relishes in the feeling of satisfaction she gets from looking in the mirror.

Nanti is gorgeous and it's not a secret.

A tiny little baguette bag is in her grasp which solidifies her look.

She's walking, obviously a seasoned pro at running errands in heels because she struts. And people like Nanti are too remarkable to just exist. People like Nanti capture everyone's attention, even doing the most mundane of activities.

Ironically she's still surprised at just how much attention she grabs. There's a cute little thing that meets her gaze on the other side of the window. Nanti is merely passing, enjoying her reflection when that stark green pigment on the other side of the glass breaks her out of her reverie...

The little furry thing with those green sparkling eyes and the blackest fur is looking up at her like she lost it and it must return home tonight.

"Is it a girl or a boy?" Suddenly she's in the pet store and that stunning cat is still looking at her. Maybe it knows she can't resist.

"A boy. Doesn't he have the cutest eyes?"

"Yes! They're mesmerizing."

And as soon as she says that she thinks of eyes, eyes of Élan, then the eyes of the baby that could've been hers. The one that she lost. The one that washed away like water down the drain.

Would it be a girl or a boy? Would he look like her? Would she look like him? Stuffed animals, barrettes, race cars, dolls, pampers, powder, tantrums, cooing, the life she involuntarily left behind comes crashing down on her, determined to uproot the steadiness she developed for the day. Waiting to demolish the normality, the stability, the progress that she hasn't experienced in so long. Her breaths become shorter.

Nanti with a baby bump and Élan glowing happily, kissing her belly button and massaging her swollen feet. Decorating the nursery with pinks or blues, butterflies or caterpillars, and only buying the softest blankets. Her long legs and slender limbs and a beautifully round tummy, something growing inside her and making her feel more connected to life than she ever thought possible.

Blessing the little thing growing inside of her with a name, showing he or she what real love looks like. Nanti knows she'd have a girl. One that looked just like her because the Goddess loves her enough to do that. Élan would fall in love with their little princess, he'd be the proudest father in the entire universe, looking at the little being that they merged together to create. Nanti would pray that she found a love like hers, natural and beautiful and authentic and she'd pray that her little darling girl would know how to nurture such a love. If she didn't know, Nanti would help her learn from her own mistakes.

Élan watching her and realizing he could never stop loving her no matter how melodramatic, bossy, or crazy she may seem. He'd accept that having someone so complicated has its benefits, he endures real love that cannot compare to the surface-level shit. Real love comes with rough patches but the difference is they can work through them.

That's their life, they would leave the states and move back to Africa, raise their baby girl, teach her French and Nanti and Élan would fall in love all over again.

What a life.

A life she could've lived if it hadn't popped and washed down the drain. Washed away like waves on sand.

Bye-bye, baby.

The store clerk is afraid because he doesn't know what he's done but this scarily gorgeous girl is sobbing and handing him money to buy that mysterious little cat with the green eyes. It's looking up at her like he knows exactly why she's crying. The whole situation is...odd.

There's not many customers in the store but he's still panicking- is she okay?

He doesn't dare ask her, of course she's not okay, though she may not be terrible. Humans laugh and cry and get upset and it's perfectly normal. However, crying in public, and like this? Something must be dreadfully wrong. He knows how to handle an overly aggressive dog but how must you handle an (obviously) very, very sad human being? He wants to hug her but that's against Customer Policy.

She's walking down the street again, less confidently, swiping tears, but with the green-eyed cat who is incessantly mowing probably telling her to get it out and that it will all be alright.

Yes, my little friend, you're absolutely right, she thinks.

When she returns home, she's wrapping up the last of her tears and releases her new buddy from his cage. She flops down on her bed and takes her deep breath as the cat perches in her lap with inquiring eyes.

"Peridot. My mother always said if you name something, it's serious. So I name you Peridot."

Mow.