You love your boyfriend Jeremy Freedman so much. So much that your heart hurts whenever you're not together. He's in love with you, too. Or so you think... He always asks to come over to your house, which you never thought much of until one day when you asked if he wanted to do something besides hanging out at your house and he refused. So you questioned him.
"Jer, why don't you ever want to do anything besides hanging out in my basement?" "No reason. I just like to." He answered. You find it odd but go along with it anyway. So, you guess this makes the 689th time you've hung out down in the basement of your house.
Here's the routine: he comes over, you go into the basement, you barely talk, he vacantly stares straight ahead (which you also find odd, but his eyes look so loving when he does that).
You decide to go upstairs to get snacks. You pretend to go upstairs but you're actually spying on him after he thinks you're gone, but you end up regretting this decision.
When you're at the top of the steps watching, Jeremy gets up and walks to your furnace. He puts his hand on it and starts whispering to it. "What in the world...?"" you say to yourself. You keep watching and it only gets weirder.
He says, "I love you." then hE KISSES IT! WTF! You run down there and scream, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?" He looks at you in fright. "I... I... I CAN'T LIVE A LIE ANYMORE! He screams. You're too confused to speak. "The 2 years we've been together, I haven't been in love with you. I've been in love with your furnace." He continues. "I never care to go anywhere else because I'm using you to get to Shelby." HE GAVE IT A NAME!?!?!
So basically he's been dating your furnace and doesn't even like you. You yell at him to leave and you sob until you fall asleep. When you wake up, your house is cold and your furnace has been stolen.
THE END.
