You can't stop evil from happening but you also can't stop the constant desire to try and fix it. You can't stop yourself from feeling a need to help even if you know deep down that's not what the person wants.
You see yourself as their guide, the person that will always be there to help others with amazing advice.
You knew that you couldn't change them yet you still tried to. You put all your efforts and emotions into one stupid person. You sacrificed your whole life for them yet they don't even appreciate the fact you are there for them.
You deserve better.
Someone who knows you.
And I don't mean someone who knows your birthday or doesn't forget your favourite chocolate.
I mean truly understands you as a person. You deserve someone like that.
However for some reason you are a magnet for evil or the helpless. The ones that don't want you, they need you to fix them even though you know you can't.
Because you are just human like them and you don't know how to solve every damn problem of the world.
You aren't a magician or a superhero. Despite the fact people do call you an angel sometimes.
You deny it because all you want is to be heard.
It's like you want them to want you but you don't want them to need you.
Yet that's the only thing you are attracting
Need.
You are their constant reassurance of if they are okay and if what they are going through is normal.
And you have to come to a realisation that you aren't a professional and that you can't help them.
You hate disappointing people.
Seeing their face of
" what am I going to do now?"
"she was my last hope"
You resent it to the point you shut it down.
Maybe it's because of the trauma of being silenced.
Not heard. Alone. Manipulated.
The sweet words you believed turned into lies right in front of you. And what now you can't do anything because it's in the past.
Yes, it still hurts you from time to time but all is done. You survived.
Or
Maybe it's the fact that you want to fit in so badly with the world that you change yourself for what others want you to be.
The true you is fun. Energetic. Free. Loves to dance and feel the beat of the loud music filling every gap in your body. You feel whole. Complete as one may say.
Yet
You destroy it with one nice hello. They see you as a nice, caring, polite and an all together person. They see a more polished version of who you truly are. Every one of them believes your stories.
Because you are good at that. It's your thing. Story telling. Half truths. No pain.
You feel trapped in this life you are living. This isn't you. This is a version of you that you choose to be for others.
The only thing you can do is drift off into a world of imagination and dreams.
Sleep.
A state of unconsciousness that allows us to regain ourselves for another pointless day.
The world of dreams.
This place is your conformt. Your home. You are in control of your fate and destiny meaning you end up having the perfect happy ever after that everyone wishes for.
Sadly the thing is it's just all temporary and then you have to wake up and deal with real life stuff. You know go to school. Learn. Come home. Do home work. Relax. Then back to sleep.
It's all a never ending cycle.
