Deep waters and Razor blades.

Just one more. One more. And it'll all be okay. You'll feel okay again. Elle assured herself. Crimson red blood dripping from the ravenous monsters teeth that had pierced through Elle's soft tissues. Argh. Elle quietly yelled.

"Elle, sweetheart. You okay?" Mr Richardson knocked on the door, querying to his daughter's health. "Don't worry dad. Just stepped on the plug socket again, like a complete and utter twat. I'll be out in a sec." Elle replied to her dad. Tissues lay on the sink, as specks of blood stained the marble floor. A distorted image reflected by the fragmented mirror; Elle had used to carve battle wounds into her skin. This reflection was all Elle would ever amount to in life. Broken, useless and a sharp unforgettable memory of all she had tried to become these past few years.

You ever hear how life has this unexpected way of changing at any given moment? Yep. But; no one talks about how it feels more like life landing a blow to your jaw leaving you flustered, whilst almost simultaneously performing a 360-wrestling move on you, and then ploughing you into the ground. Where you wish you could just stay and slowly decay. Instead you must get up and face life in a bid to make it through to the next round. Well, this was Elle's final round. Because this was the last chance the universe had to prove itself to her. Before all hope was lost.

From the ripe old age of 11, Elle had been acquainted with rope burns around her neck that stayed with her longer than anyone ever had. Park swings seemed like distant memories as new feats were being accomplished. The memory of every breath taken feeling like a debt that had to be paid later in life. A feeling that began the day her mother had left without any reason, numbing her entity, forever rendering the idea of love existing in her life being a lie. From that day onwards, days were just a number, to add to the countless pages of Elle's life that had just been a waste.

Daily life, consisted of mornings beginning with a run past the pier, grabbing a bite from the deli, and then rushing for the bus to work. Until, one Monday morning when the alarm had forgotten to ring, thanks to the migraine that had consumed her the night before. Arriving late to work wasn't a choice, and there was no time for breakfast, or a run. So; if Elle wasn't going to lose her job, she'd have to make the 8.45 bus, which was due in about 7 minutes. The sound of stomping could be heard from downstairs, as Elle rushed from room to room trying to get an outfit together.

"Bye, dad. See you in the evening. There's leftover lasagne in the fridge from last night. Love you." Ella darted out as she ran out of the house.

The tablets were slowly dissolving in the water, as Elle massaged the temples of her head. Silently, pondering on the number of tablets it'd take before this stupid thing called life would leave her. The tablets had dissolved. She grabbed the glass and gulped the remedy down her throat.

"Well someone had a late night." Sam giggled. Elle looked up and noticed Sam sitting there with a smirk the size of a crater plastered all over her face. "No, no, and definitely no." Elle belted out over the boards that separated her and Sam. "But Im just say-." Sam whined. "No, I did not have a date. No, I did not get laid. And no, I am not pregnant." Elle interjected. Times like this Elle had wished she was pregnant. At least then her life would be filled with purpose. Gentle sighs could be heard filling the room, as tears left Elle's eyes like the very oceans she wished to be like. "I'm going home, you okay to finish off from here?" Elle asked. "Of course, babe. Sam reassured her, but take it easy.' She insisted, as Elle was getting up to leave the office.Dont I always. Dont. I. Always. Elle uttered dejectedly.The walk home from work was the only thing Elle looked forward to in her day. There was something about the evening breeze, that just took the days grief in its path, and left a clean slate for the days that followed. The sun was setting, and the best spot to catch the sunset would be at the pier. But shed need to be quick. The miles that lay ahead seemed like a stretch to cover, but this feat was going to be accomplished. She had made it. Gentle pants could be heard as the waves rocked back and forth lulling the shore to sleep. The missed run in the morning sure seemed like it had been forgotten about. As Elle tried to catch her breath whilst, tightly gripping the guard rails.You want me to call 911 now or after youve passed out? a voice questioned from down below by the edge of the reef.No, no Im good. Elle laughed, youre a bit far out, arent you Mr-? Elle replied.Langley. Ethan Langley. I guess Ill just get up then. Seeing as I cant swim, and Id just be dooming myself to an inevitable end. Ethan continued.I was swim champion in high school, so I think youd be alright. Elle chuckled.Ah. You see, the deep waters seem very tempting now that I know Id be saved by a mermaid. Ethan replied whilst smirking, and it has always been a dream of mine, if only you knew Miss...Richardson. Elle Richardson. Well Damn, I forgot to pack my bikini and tail today. So, I guess Id have been no help. Elle gushed as she lowered her gaze.Ah, well I guess Ill just have to settle for you, instead of the mermaid, then. Ethan announced.The weeks that followed were filled with fits of laughter and countless espressos from the café, they visited. Secrets, fears, everything known and unknown to man were shared by the two. Elle felt like she could talk for ages and not fear judgement. Ethan never interrupted her. But, instead became a friend whod entered Elles life when she had least expected it and made life worth living again. Whens the last time you ever did something for yourself. Come on! You chase after everyones happiness but your own. Ethan exclaimed.No, its not that. I just dont want to leave dad by himself. Elle replied.Youre scared, just admit it. This small town and these narrow roads are all youve known, since your mom left, and now you never want to leave. Like she did. Ethan blurted out without thinking.Im sorry I cant be like you. Filled with optimism and have a sense for adventure, or even live each day like its my last. Elle remarked.You dont know how many times Ive wished for each day to be my last. Ethan mumbled under his breath.Im sorry, what? Elle asked.Nothing dont worry. Now come on the ice lollies arent going to walk to us. Ethan sighed.Sleeping was one of the few things that Elle could ironically do with her eyes closed. But that night not even her silky soft sheets could lull her to sleep. It was just a holiday, she thought to herself. A week of her sad life. That was all. Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome onboard Flight 4B7 from Brighton to Rome- the flight attendant declared.I cant believe Im doing this. Ive never been on a plane before. Do you think its too late? I think we should go back. Dads alone. Yeah. Lets go home Elle nervously remarked.Relax, Elle. Dont worry. Im here. Your dad will be fine. Well call him as soon as we land, okay? Ethan reassured her.You know, The Colosseum has 36 trap doors. Elle announced.What am I meant to do with that information? Ethan mocked. assume you want to play hide and seek?HaHa...Ha. Elle sarcastically replied. The remaining days were spent visiting the landmarks of Rome, as the two dined under the blanket of stars. The final last surprise for Elle was the balcony she had dreamed about for years: Juliets Balcony. It was a 3-and-a-half-hour drive: from Rome to Verona. But it was going to be worth it, Ethan thought to himself.Lets write letters yeah, please? Elle pleaded.I dont kn-. Ethan hesitated.You dont need to show me. Well write them. Stick them in the wall and walk away. Elle reassured him with her hand on his arm, i wont ask any questions.Oh, fine then. Ethan grunted.Tourists from all over were sitting and writing letters, once finished theyd stick the letters in the wall and walk away. Elle stuck hers in right under the vines that cascaded down from the balcony. And Ethan. Well, Ethan knew how distracted Elle was and how she wouldnt notice the letter he wrote, sitting safely in his pocket.Where did you put yours?, Elle asked as she pointed upwards, mines right there.Its a secret. I dont need to tell you anything, remember? Ethan smirked.Urgh, fine. Lets go. Elle grunted dejectedly.The night ended with Ethan and Elle sitting on the beach. Her blossom-like cheeks being serenaded by the breeze, as it gently moved locks of hair onto her temple. Honey-brown eyes interlocking on Elles deep blue irises, causing butterflies to run amok in her ribcages. An aura of uncertainty clouded the air, as Ethan looked away. It felt like minutes had passed, for Elle, when it had only been 7 seconds since he had last locked eyes with her. The cacophony of voices inside her head left her in a state of confusion and disarray.Screw it. For once in your goddamn life, do it Elle. Be brave. Elles subconscious screamed at the top of its lungs.Slowly; her body turned, lips closed, and ready to kiss. She was too late; Ethan had already beaten her to it. Soft moans escaped their mouths, as Ethans lips parted like the Red Sea, sending surges of electricity through Elles limbs. For the first time in 19 years, life had been released into Elles meaningless body.Crap. Im so sorry. I-. Ethan exclaimed. Before Ethan could finish his sentence, Elle lunged forward and grabbed Ethans jaw as their lips collided for a second time. The soft silky lace on Elles dress moved in motion with the ocean, hiding the crevices of her body, like a secret that must be protected at all costs. Suddenly, cold shivers overtook Elles body, as if the warmth experienced seconds before had vanished from the face of the Earth. An alarmed expression had overtaken Ethans face. He enveloped Elle into his large bulky arms and ran back to the room. Elles temperature was dropping rapidly. The idea to let his body warmth help Elles temperature arose in Ethans head. So, there they lay, on the bed, naked with nothing between them but the bed sheets to cover their limbs. What was a matter of a few minutes felt like eternities to Elle. Deep blue eyes gazed at Ethans face, as he rubbed Elles back up and down, causing her spine to tingle with each touch. She told herself that if this was the love the bible spoke off: she would be a believer till death consumed her entity and left her lifeless. And when her limbs slowly decayed, leaving behind a boneyard of what once existed. The places Ethan had kissed her would bear witness to the love she had felt. It had been a week since they were back from Italy, and they hadnt spoken about the kiss that happened. Well both kisses. They were sitting on the sofa. But Ethan said he had a surprise for Elle, and that he was going to be right back. That was ten minutes ago. So, it'd be another five to ten minutes, before shed have to open the door. Giving her enough time to go to the kitchen and make some lunch.After a short while Elle could hear faint sirens outside the house, the windows showcased the large crowd that had gathered outside. A swarm of people hovered around the police car, as many asked what had happened. Silently, standing in the middle of the pavement. Elle rocked back and forth on her heels, that had started burning up from the heat the sun was generating. It was almost as if God had opened the doors to heaven, and the clouds had parted to let the sunshine on everyone. Yet, somehow it felt as if every step Elle was taking towards the police car, were leading to blisters the size of acorns biting away at her skin. Elle was perplexed. Her eyes scanned the environment, like a deer stuck in headlight. A familiar face had finally arisen from the crowd: Mrs. Burgess.Mrs Burgess, whats going on? Elle questioned.Oh, hello dear, theyre saying a young man was involved in an accident. Mrs Burgess replied.Unexpectedly, Elles throat tied up into a knot, like the nooses she so vividly remembered from childhood. Ethan had left 20 minutes ago to go get something from his house. He wasnt back.Oh no. No, Mrs... Mrs Burgess isis he okay? Who was it? Where is he? Elle frantically questioned as bubbles started to form around her mouth.Dear I dont know. All I know is they took him in the ambulance about 10 minutes ago. Mrs Burgess answered.The wind was blowing with a force that left Elle feeling breathless. The radio static from the police cars werent loud enough to drown the sound of Elles gut telling her that it was Ethan. It couldnt be. How? No. He had left 20 minutes ago, Elle thought to herself. No.After several unanswered calls, Elles deepest fear had finally been confirmed. As Mrs Langley called and shared the details.Receive the Lords blessing. The Lord bless you and watch over you. The Lord make his face shine upon you- The priest uttered.All Elle could think about was how this funeral wasnt fit for Ethan. Sad and empty faces everywhere. It wasnt a commemoration of the life he lived. His heart or his infectious smile. A tap on Elles shoulder interrupted her train of thought. Hey, Elle. Erm, this was found in his belongings from the day, he died. He wouldve wanted you to have it Ethans mother revealed, as she made her way off the patchy green grass. A folded paper in a crumpled envelope was what Ethans mother had given her. The letter read:To my firecracker,You look for reasons to survive in this world. But dont realise that you are a reason. Your kiss gave me hope. It made me want to live more days than I ever desired to before. And now all I see are the dogs were going to have, and the two kids running around the house every Sunday, whilst you make us pancakes in your jim-jams. I see a life. A life I didnt want to live before you. But, now I dream of spending my nights with you, and my mornings too. Ive never believed in a God. But if there ever was a moment I did, it was that night. Your love gave me a reason to live, and its why Im alive today, writing this letter. Its you. It was Always You. I had to feel like I wanted to die, to meet the reason I was still living for this long. Breathing with you didnt hurt that much. My throat didnt feel like it had consumed acid every time I took a breath. I finally felt like I was living. You breathed life into my empty body and awakened gardens in me that didnt exist before you. Dont you see, Elle? I almost killed myself that evening. That night by the pier. But I didnt. Thanks to some blue-eyed, secret mermaid, who wouldnt let me test how deep those waters were. But now, I wouldnt mind facing any deep waters or troubles, if youre there to save me every time I drown. Youmy girlfriend?

Forever and Always,

Your Ethan Langley, if youll have me?