spider-man oneshots ig

get the FUCK away from my mazda miata (1/?)

It was around 4 am when FRIDAY's voice sounded around Tony's lab, "Sir, an unknown number is calling. Would you like to pick it up?"

Tony drank some more whiskey and then shrugged. "Eh, the world as I know it is ending, babygirl. I might as well."

"Ned. Fuck, Ned. I need you to get one of your moms to pick me up. Dude, I don't think this guy appreciated me throwing his cocaine in the lake. Actually, I think he's pissed. So, please get your moms to come get me. I would ask May but she's working the night shift right now and I can't bother her with–"

Tony interuppted the person on the other side with a drunken snort, "Pardon me, but who in the assfuck are you?"

"Oh shit, you ain't Ned."

"Well, you see, I'm actually Donald Trump–of fucking course I'm not Ted. Look, I don't know what you're doing, and honestly? I don't wanna know. So I mean maybe you could check who you're calling–wait did you say you threw cocaine in a lake? Why?"

"Yessir, because drugs are bad sir, but listen. I know I don't know you, but you seem trustworthy, and I could really use some help right now, y'know? Especially if you're in Queens, New York and you've got a car."

"You want me, somebody you don't even know, to come save you like a fuckin' super duper hero?"

"Well, yeah–"

The person speaking on the other side suddenly let out a squeak and then a vague screeching voice came through, "Fucking bitch! Just cause my boss thinks you're nice don't mean that I can't kill you!!"

Sighing, Tony responded to the person. "Tell me where you are."

"I'm on top of a McDonald's."

"Excuse me?"

"I said; I'm on top of a McDonald's. It's the one on 101st Avenue. Please help me. I'm begging you. I'll make it up to you, I swear."

"Whatever. I'll be there soon enough. If you're dead then oh well."

Tony hung up the phone with a groan, he pushed the desk to launch himself and the rollie chair he's sitting on to the exit. He put some slides on and a sweatshirt, grabbed his keys, and went down.

Hey, Tony thought as he started his trek to the garage, at least it's something to do.

Hopefully the person on the other side of the phone wouldn't freak over the fact that he's Iron Man, because with Tony being partially drunk and really sleep deprived, he didn't even think about that.

The elevator slid open and into the garage Tony went. He pat his pocket to make sure his wallet and phone was there. If he was going to a McDonald's to pick up a stranger, he was going to be picking up some food too.

"FRI, open the car door." Tony mumbled as he leaned against a hot pink Mazda Miata, his eyes half closed because of the annoying lights.

"The Mazda, Sir?" FRIDAY asked in a somewhat questioning tone.

Tony tried to roll his eyes but ended up almost toppling over. "Yes, FRI, the Mazda. The one I am leaning on. The one directly in front of m–eep!"