To the stars beyond the blue || B. Hargrove

four: wounds

Remember when I said, that school cafeterias are the worst ? Well, here's the thing, I might have to take back that statement. Now don't get me wrong, they ain't great but they also aren't the innermost circle of hell. At least not when you get to sit with a cheerleader and her posse of equally attractive bootlickers.

I honestly hadn't expected anything to have changed when I walked into school for the first time after the party. I knew Billy didn't wanna sit with me and quite frankly, I didn't wanna sit with him either. So really, I was already planning to spend lunch period by myself, headphones over my ears, blasting Mötley Crüe or the Clash and trying to tune out the rest of this goddamn shitshow. Well, life had other plans. And those plans involved a bubbly blonde running up to me with a smile and a million words of praise and thankfulness flowing from her lips.

So here I am, sitting on a cold plastic bench with the blue color so faded it looks almost white, surrounded by a bunch of people that all seem to belong to different social groups but share the fact that they are all conventionally attractive and seem to be blessed with incredible cheekbones. If that's what brings them together or if it's their actual personalities, I can not tell yet.

I don't feel like I belong here, all of the people around me seem to have something about them that makes them distinctively well — them. And what am I ? The charity case ? The new girl ?

Kerrie talks a mile a minute and she tries her best to include me in the conversation. She introduces me to every person that joins us at the table and tells me their name in return. I immediately forget all the names as soon as they leave her lips but I do appreciate the sentiment. Most of all when she introduces me as her friend Kat. It's nice to be referred to as someone's friend. Especially right now when everyone in the world seems to perceive me as a burden above anything else.

" So, you're like Billy's cousin then ? " the girl sitting across from me speaks up as I take a bite of my nutter butter. I think her name is Chloe or Claire or something along those lines. She's small and brunette and she has the most radiant green eyes I have ever seen in another person. The way she says the words makes them sound casual, as if it's something that just popped up in her thoughts. Just a small inquire, no biggie.

I can tell though, by the way she tries so hard to be suave and smooth about it, that this has been on her mind for a while. The words are chosen deliberately, mulled over in her head repeatedly.

" Uh, not really. His stepmom is my mother's half-sister. "

" Oh. Okay. But you're living with him, yeah ? "

" Mmh. "

I don't like where this is going. I have no desire to talk about Billy and quite frankly I have even less desire to talk about myself. Talking about him will lead to questions about why I am living with the Hargroves and what the hell would I say to that ? Because my mom doesn't give a shit ? Because my stepdad is a disgusting pig ? Because my life has been on a downward spiral ever since my dad died and the only person that made me feel complete, is a person I can't be with and never should've been with in the first place ?

Fuck no. I can't tell that to anyone.

" What's he like ? He's always so — mysterious. "

She's swooning and I have to stop myself from rolling my eyes. I can't fault her for it really, Billy is fucking hot. But it's girls like her, who almost faint at the mere thought of him, that fuel that huge ego of his.

" We don't talk much, to be honest. He's — Billy. "

" I heard he tried to hook up with Nancy Wheeler's mom last year. Can you imagine ? " the girl next to her chimes up. I don't even try to remember her name, I won't be able to anyway. It would just be a guess, really. I don't know who Nancy Wheeler is either, but I wouldn't put it past Billy to try and get with her mother. He looks like the kind of person.