Him.

Dying.

Today I wasn't feeling my best. I really just sat in bed all day not even talking to Sam or Colby. I just sat there with Netflix on the tv feeling numb.
I heard my door creek open and spotted Colby. "Get out" I mumble as he comes closer.
" no Jake."  He sighs "I'm sorry can we start over? I really like you and I wanna spend a life time with you." He says.
I'm obviously not in the mood for any type of bull shit so I simply say "I'll think about it leave." I say going back to watch Grey's Anatomy.
He does as told and I just started to crying, tears rushing down my face like a water fall.
I pick my phone up and go to my contacts tapping on an old friends contact names Tara.
J: hey tara what are you doing right now?
Tara✨: nothing wanna come over and watch Netflix?
J: yea I'll be there soon.
I lock my phone and get up to get dressed. Tara was always there for me when I wasn't so big on youtube she was basically a best friend of mine.
I put on a purple no name hoodie and black sweats and head out to it car not even bothering to say bye to anyone. I sigh unlocking my car and getting in.
I cry the whole way to her house and finally ended up there.
I walk to her door and she was already there and pulled me in hugging me tightly.
"It's okay, I know you want him." She says as she pushed me to the couch.
"Stay and watch tv, I'll go get snacks and you can tell me what actually happened okay jakey?" She says and I nod as she walks off.
She comes back with snacks and I give her every detail and how Sam came into the picture.
She just said not to worry and that me and Colby will fix our problems.

~*3 hours later*~
I wake up realizing I'm on tara's couch still.
"I'm gonna head out!" I call and walk out the door not even wanting a response.
I head to my car and drive home and decided maybe I would talk to colby maybe this will work out.
As soon as I pull up to the house, I'm already out and in the door looking for Colby.
I go into his room to see him laying there on his bed watching YouTube.
"Colbs. It's a yes." I say a little out of breath.
He smiles and get up to walk over to me and all of a sudden feel a pair of lips on mine. We kiss for a while and finally let go.
"Good. Now come one lets cuddle and watch YouTube videos." He says.
We go to the bed and cuddle for what felt like days but it wasn't. I started to drifted into my thoughts again but this time (trig warning) they got dark. My thoughts got so bad that I went into the bathroom running.
I grabbed a razor, something I haven't used in years but just in case I needed it I always had it. I sighed sat it down on the sink counter and sat in the ground.
I felt like dying, I wanted to die. But I couldn't because I lived Colby.