"I'm sorry (y/n), but i can't keep doing this anymore"
You face was burning from the amount of tears you've shed in the last 10 minutes. In front of you was your boyfriend Jack, a suitcase in each hand, ready to leave you. You had been together for a little over a year. When you'd met you warned him that you were in love with someone else. Your colleague and your best friend. Spencer Reid. But Jack didn't care. He was prepared to win you over. It took a while but when Spencer told you about his girlfriend, Maeve, you knew it was for the best to let go. And there you were, at Jacks doorstep telling him you were ready. And the rest of the story had been happy. Until 6 months later when you were called into work earlier than usual. The team in distress.
It was Maeve.
She'd been taken.
You heart ached for Spencer, you just wanted him to be happy. But that didn't work out as planned. Spencer has failed to talk down the unsub. And as a result, the love of his life was dead.
And that's when everything changed.
Not just for Spencer. But for you as well.
All the walls you'd put up, the feelings you pushed back, were all crashing down on you with immense force. And Jack began to notice.
He began to get more and more jealous, questioning you about your whereabouts, calling you more frequently when you were on a case, and became angry whenever you mentioned reid . He tried to ignore it. Tried to convince himself that you chose him, not Spencer. But eventually everyone has a breaking point.
Unfortunately anger was the only emotion he felt. He felt so angry that he went out and slept with another woman as "revenge."
"Jack please!" you covered a sob with your hand. Your vision began to blur, the tears clouding your eyes. You knew it was wrong to beg someone who just tore your heart out to stay. But despite everything you feel for Spencer, you still love Jack.
"Look me in the face and tell me you
don't love him" he said blankly. It was like he had no emotions.
You looked up at him. More tears falling.
Silence.
He had is answer.
"Goodbye (y/n)"
And with that, Jack had opened the door to your shared apartment, and walked out. And there you were, alone, in your dark apartment crying against the wooden door. Wondering where it all went wrong.
It seemed like hours had pasted when you finally stopped crying. Your headed pounded, making it difficult to concentrate on anything. You picked up your phone off the floor and called your Unit Chief, Emily Prentiss.
"Hey Em" you tried to sound as cheery as possible.
"Hey (y/n) what's wrong?" Emily worriedly asked.
Shit. You couldn't bluff to save your life.
"I need a little bit of time off, I know it's selfish to ask but please, It's just, I-I can't be out in the field right now. I'll try my best to consult but.. I-"
"(y/n) it's okay. you can take as much time as you like"
Desperately trying to end the call you spoke quickly
"Well, thank you Em, i- i uh gotta go"
"(y/n) wait-"
Before she could continue you ended the call. Tears threatening to make another appearance. You pulled yourself up from the floor and walked over to the kitchen, and opened the fridge. And there is was. Your new friend that was going to help you through this. Whiskey. And a lot of it. You grabbed the amber bottle from the fridge and twisted off the cap. You pressed it to your lips. Letting the liquid glide down your throat. It burned but you didn't care. The rush it gave you excited you. Your heart began to quicken. That process repeated into the early hours of the morning. You were quickly headed towards a full on black out. You giggled and stumbled off to the bedroom. But as soon at you slithered under the sheets, it felt like you were sober again. The bed was cold, and unfamiliar. And down came the water works. You were angry, not at Jack, but yourself, you hated being weak. You pushed every feeling you had away. Slowly drifting off into an emotionless sleep.
*2 weeks later*
Spencer's pov/
Spencer was on his way to the BAU, the place he'd grown to love so dearly. But for the past 2 weeks it wasn't the same. It wasn't the same without her. (y/n) had been gone for about 2 weeks now. Everyone tried getting in contact with her, but she would only talk to Emily, and occasionally Derek when she tried to consult, but she would hang up at the mention of any "are you okay"s or "how you feeling"s. Spencer decided to head over to (y/n)'s apartment trying to talk to her like he had done many times in the past weeks. But she would never answer the door. But he knew she was there. So he would sit in front of her door talking about anything he could think of. Occasionally spitting out random facts or statistics. Spencer would remember (y/n) was the only one who ever listened to them and would smile, and to spencer's liking, asking him more about it. God he missed her. Spencer just knew something was wrong, all he wanted to do was help her. He remember when maeve died about 7 months ago, and how lost he felt. (y/n) was always there for him. And he realized how much he loved her, a love that wasn't something you felt for a "friend". He wanted to be there for her. But (y/n) wasn't as accepting of help.
"Well I have to head back to work, I'll talk to you later" he smiled weakly and headed to the elevator.
Your Pov/
You sat against the door, just as you did 2 weeks ago, but instead of crying, you were smiling softly as you listened to the man on the other side of the door random statistics spilled out. You wanted so badly to open the door and let him in. But you didn't want him seeing you like this. You felt disgusting, you hadn't taken a shower in days, the one time you stepped into the shower, memories of Jake came flooding into your brain. The times where you would just hold each other as you talked about your days. the time you laughed your ass off at the funny hairstyles he created in his hair with shampoo. It was too much. Your hair was knotted and greasy so you put it up in a ponytail to keep it out of your face. You wore the same navy sweater and baggy grey sweatpants for weeks. You smelled strongly of the whiskey you've been downing like water. You haven't even eaten properly. Your body became weak. Lacking it's proper needs and vitamins. You struggled to do common tasks and even passed out a couple of times. If you opened that door, you would be showing spencer every part of you. and you couldn't do that to him.
"Well I have to head back to work, I'll talk to you later" Spencer said through the door.
You quickly stood up. But regretted it instantly as you swayed from the motion. Your vision becoming slightly darker.
"Don't go" you whispered as you placed your hand on the door. It took everything in you not to shout it out and swing the door open. You stood there in silence as you heard the elevator door ding and open. Eventually closing and heading down. You wiped a tear from your eye as you went to find comfort in the amber liquid. Chugging it down your eyes and throat burned. You exhaled roughly as you disconnected the bottle from your lips. It was clear your body didn't like your actions, you fell to the ground. The bottle shattering as it hit the floor. Everything going blank.
You awoke on your couch, a blanket wrapped around you and light blue mug was placed on your coffee table, steam floating out of the cup. You stood up. Instant regret. You swayed and felt your legs give out. But before you could hit the ground 2 arms held at your waist
"hey..hey, you okay?"
you looked up
"Spencer?"
He smiled softly at you
"You..You left"
"I heard you whisper stay, so i did, but when i heard the glass shatter I-"
Shame flooded through you. Imagining the sight of you limp on the floor, surrounded by liquid courage and glass shards.
"No, spencer no you can't be here, not when I'm like this" you fight against the tears wanting so desperately to glide down your cheeks "I can take care of myself"
"No, No you can't (y/n), please just let me be there for you"
and suddenly,
you didn't wanna fight anymore.
You let out a broken cry, and you couldn't stop. Spencer wrapped his arms around you as you cried into his chest.
"Jake left" you managed to croak through sobs
"Why?" he said softly
Silence. You couldn't. You couldn't tell him.
He unhooked his arms, understanding your pain, and not wanting to make it worse.
"I made you coffee" he smiled
"Thank you Spence" you leaned over to pick up the mug, but your weak figure worked against you as you felt yourself begin to fall. again.
Spencer again prevented you falling and looked at you, worry clouded his eyes.
"When's the last time you ate properly"
You didn't want to answer. this is exactly what you didn't want. but you knew from the amount of times you've fallen in the past 20 minutes he wouldn't believe a reasonable answer
"A week I think" you mumbled
"(y/n)..."
"I get it, I'm a mess, I'm disgusting, I'm not worth it. I'm sorry. It's just.."
"(y/n) you aren't disgusting, heartbreak does this to us, but you are still you. This doesn't change you. You just haven't been taking care of yourself. But i'm gonna help you, like you helped me"
You didn't wanna feel alone anymore. And Spencer Reid was the perfect candidate to help you. you smiled. but suddenly, your brain betrayed you.
"Jack left because I'm in love with you Spence, so he cheated on me and left" you mumbled
Spencer stared out you, his expression impossible to read
"Shit I'm sorry that was the wrong timing I-I'm sorry I"
you were cut off as soft lips connected with yours
"(y/n), I am hopelessly in love with you"
"y-you are?" a feeling you haven't felt ever since Jake left flooded through you. Hope.
"How could I not" he smiled "I promise you I am going to heal you (y/n)
And that's exactly what he did. he helped you back to your normal state. You took a warm shower, ate some vitamin supplements and some protein and you changed into one of spencer's sweaters and some leggings. and you felt happy. spencer reid was your hope. and you were his. you you weren't planning on letting go any time soon.
