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Confused

I'm so confused.
About me, my identity.
About my relationships and what to do with them.
About what comes next, after everything opens back up and the virus passes.

What do I do?
I don't want to talk to anybody about it, they'll just judge me and call me ungrateful
Like always

I don't know who I am, honestly.
Not a single fucking clue.
I mean, I know my name. I know what I look like.
But is that me?
I don't know. I like looking masculine, it makes me feel so happy to throw on a hat and hear people call me 'sir'
But i feel just as happy to put on lipgloss and a skirt, to hear people call me ma'am.
What am I?

I have mixed feelings for my girlfriend. I live talking to her and being with her, but when she reminds me that she's moving and that we can't see each other again, I want to push her away and out of my life. I'm conflicted about who to love. I like the idea of dating guys, but I've only ever enjoyed dating girls or non-binary people. It's so confusing. What do I call myself? A lesbian? Pan? Bi?

What do I do...?