Unspoken

Chapter Sixteen: Ryan

I stare up at the stars. They're combining into a mix of black and white, turning the sky gray, and as I watch the whole of the universe fading in and out into itself, all I can see is Eli and Aubrey.

I watch them twinkle as my sobriety starts to return, my head still pounding, my stomach aching from the vomit that omitted my body just a little while ago.

I really didn't think I was that drunk, and I'm really not. But the mix of sweat and the sheen of weed on my skin wasn't helping the overwhelming images of Eli getting closer, of the small of her back pressing into the fridge as she panicked, as I watched her eyes flash with fear. How they looked for me the moment he left, and how when they found me, her shoulders relaxed and her breathing slowed.

I had watched her small chest heaving, then I watched, entranced, as her lungs expanded with air. I coaxed her to breathe inside my head, promised her that if he stepped closer, I would gladly snap his neck with no second thoughts. I told her with my eyes alone that she was safe the entire time, she just didn't know it.

Now I feel the panic creep back into my head at the thought of her being in there alone without my protection.

The stars are distracting me from the thought of her drink fizzing with a drug, the thought of someone looking at her and deciding that they wanted her that badly.

I am letting the cold, wet, moisture of the freshly cut grass seep into the back of my shirt and into my spine, all to let myself think about something else.

I am overflowing with rage. I know I am getting out of hand. My mind flashes to a jail cell as my permanent home every time a guy looks at her body, every time her friends flash their white smiles down at her.

I belong in a padded room.

I watch as the moon fades behind the trees, hiding from me, and then I turn my attention to the dimmed street light that seems to fade in its brightness every time I look at it.

My fists clench at my sides and I take a deep breath of the cool and refreshing night air. My hair falls entirely off of my forehead and down the back of my head as my feet shift in the street, tiny gravel rocks crumbling under my shoes.

I sat down next to her car, looking at it, almost expecting her to come out and tell me not to drive when I'm this drunk, but now knowing she probably couldn't look away from her friends for long enough to see me slip out the front door.

Now I look at it, marveling about the fact that she's once touched it, that her breath has been breathed inside this very car only a few feet in front of me, knowing that her hands have held onto that steering wheel. As I watch it shine in the faint streetlight, I know that I am farther onto that edge than I had even thought.

There is not a cloud in the sky tonight.

Not the usual summer thunderstorms I was expecting when I stepped outside, just calm, peaceful. The slight breeze is ruffling through the millions of leaves throughout the forest, the cicadas chirping loudly in the tree branches.

I wait, lying down like that in front of her car for another hour, it seems. I have no clue what time it is, but multiple people have come and gone from the party, and judging from the moon's position, I would guess it's around midnight.

I feel like the world is still spinning, but now I can feel it slowing down to a steady turn, the nausea finally dissipating into the road that is now covered in a thick slab of fog around my ankles. It's like shackles, holding me in place, knowing that I want to go back in there but never allowing me to do so.

"Shit!" I hear someone yell over on the end of the driveway, about twenty feet from where I'm lying.

My head snaps up, my neck aching from the sudden hard work. My head spins once again.