Julianne's Story

Fantasizing

“Do you ever get the feeling someone is watching you,” Julianne said to herself, under her breath. The ruse captivated her completely, and she allowed her mind and body to absorb into her imagination. This imagination game accompanied her everywhere she went, almost every time she thought about it; it was a ruffled and well-loved teddy.

     One of her favorite times to imagine herself elsewhere was in the blistering, blinding cold of a thick, white, winter storm. It wouldn’t have to be a winter storm; ankle deep snow was sufficient. She would bundle her thin, black hair under a stocking hat of whatever color, tuck her red scarf up to cover her mouth and nose, and as she breathed deeply into the wet fleece, she would calculate her long journey back to camp. Camp, of course, was her little Ford Tempo. Though she was possibly only feet from the vehicle, Julianne imagined she was deserted in the storm, with only herself to rely on. She wondered if she was strong enough to survive the cold, and as she would approach the vehicle she would tell herself that it was only a little bit further. As the snow bit at the uncovered skin of her face, she coached her feet to just take one more step. One… more… step. Just a little bit further.

     The coaching she was engaged in now was of a different sort. In the grocery store standing in front of the chunked and shredded cheeses, Julianne guarded herself like a doe in a shelter belt during hunting season. She could nearly feel a hot breath on the back of her neck. Yes, her hair was down, thus keeping any type of air from moving to the nape of her neck, but she could feel it. She felt it, because she created it.

     Life wasn’t exciting enough for Julianne. She wanted intrigue, suspense, novelty… anything other than the normal humdrum blah, blah of her daily routine. Like the other trapped rats and pesky nuisance caged animals that her peers were, she was the teeny unlikely gerbil, marked for death in a science lab that could make an escape. It wasn’t a problem for her, this cage. She could come in and out of it as she pleased, couldn’t she?