The Awkwardness: Okay Silence. I'm ready for you.

Have you guys met my nephew Eli? He ran the merch table at our shows, you might know him as E-magine. Anyways, he has this thing he does. He isn't comfortable with the awkward silence. Say you're in an elevator and you don't know him. And the both are you are starring at the numbers waiting to reach your floor. At that moment, that 15 seconds of elevator travel he's going to say something. May be an insult, it may be a something funny, it might be the most intelligent thing you have ever heard. What he's going to say is uncertain, but I assure you something will be said. He refuses to find comfort in the awkward silence. Just not in his nature.

Now me I normally dwell in that silence. Just feel like sometimes it's best to keep your damn mouth closed. Today was different. Today I told my instincts to go to hell. That I would take a page from Eli, sorry....I mean E-magine.... and face my fear. That I would no longer be a slave to the awkward silence. And that my friends, well that's when....how about I explain.

So I'm in Subway. I was in a bit of a rush but was unable to stop my ribs from wrestling. That and the loud unbearable lion roar of my stomach was a small sign that maybe I should eat something. But it had to be quick. Something that would do the job and last. What better place then Subway.

So I get line, take a few seconds to scan the menu, and BAM!!! Five dollar turkey sandwich with a drink and chips. Have you ever felt like you could look down at your stomach, wink your eye, and it smiles back at you? Well that's what crumb snatcher did. Oh, sorry about that. Crumb snatcher is the pet name I have chosen to give my stomach. Don't you ever repeat that shit to anybody tho. Now where were we? Let me see...ahh..subway, standing in line, stomach smile...yeah yeah yeah that's what it was, the turkey special.

So the second my stomach gets happy and I go to order the lady behind the counter says "baby give us a few moments the machine down." Meanwhile I'm thinking "what damn machine are you talking about??? All the meat, and bread, and vegetables are behind this damn glass. Feed me please!" I could go on for hours about that so why don't we fast forward the story a little..... ---> ---> --->

As I'm waiting this female walks in. She gives me the normal "how you doing". I nod my head and do the old man wave (you know, when you put up a peace sign but your pinky and ring finger are half way up and your thumb is out so the peace sign is disguised as full wave? Yeah that one). And it begins. We say nothing to each other after that. Just two people starring at the menu as if we have no idea what we are going to order while praying someone from behind the counter comes out so we can avoid.......THE AWKWARD SILENCE!!! (said while deep piano keys play).

It was my moment. It was time. It was time I became a man and stand up to my fears. I helped raise my nephew, and yet he makes this moment look so easy. I believed in me. Eli believed me. I had a point to prove. I took a deep breath, removed my hands from my pockets, slowly turned my head over my shoulder and said "how ironic, fast food that takes forever." And she laughed!!!! She actually laughed. She even responded saying "I know right." I did it, I faced my fear. Some men win wars. Some make rockets. One in particular even walked on water. But me....Cash...I had broken the fear that haunted me for so long. F U Silence!!

Life was good. I mean I threw a few jokes here and there. She said something about football. I act as if I knew what she was talking about. It was moment in history. So through this great conversation I said the words that changed everything. I asked her "so do you know what you're having yet." Now what I will be explaining to you at this point has happen to me before, just never thought it would come back to haunt me. Not today. Not now. I was in my moment. I was making history dammit. Geeeesh! Again "so do you know what you're having yet" was my question. Her response was "I think I'm going to have the turkey special if they ever hurry up." I chuckled for a second. I shook my head as my hand covered my forehead. Once I gained my composure I said to her "no, a boy or girl...your pregnancy, do you know what you're having."

My God. I still had a chance to escape. To just leave it alone. Why didn't I just end it??  How many of you reading this know a black sista? Not sister but a "sista?" Yeah....you know one. You just don't know that you know one. The intelligent, sophisticated, powerful black female you see at work that speaks proper English and is about her business....say something out the way to her.  Just once. Just one time. She will tear ya a$$ up!! I promise you. And I had brought the sista out of this woman.

She put her hand on her hip, slowly rolled her neck and eyes around and whatever peaceful conversation we shared had just now ended. Everything around me had stopped. You could hear a rat pissing on carpet. Her mouth opened in slow motion.  She looked me in the eyes and slowly said "Excuse Me?? Neither! I'm not pregnant you asshole!!"

I have never been called so many skinny red light skinned buck tooth having bleep bleep bleeps in my life. I had no idea what to do or say. My God brother Quill once ask me if I ever felt so small that I could walk under the crack of a closed door....my answer is yes.

She finally finished after what seem like an eternity. And I resulted back to my old ways. I begin to read anything on the menu as if I had no idea what I wanted to order. I was back. I had my moment and blew it. And The Awkward Silence was here waiting to welcome me back home. I just wanted to leave. "What will you be having today baby?" "Um ahhh....some cookies in a bag to go please." "No sandwich today sir." "No thank you, just a cookie just give me cookies here's two dollars keep the change just some cookies. Thank you bye!".....Damn you silence!

-Anthony "Cash" Hedgepeth