For I Am Convinced

Chapter 9

Laval sat outside on his first night shift. He was on the wall again, gazing across the starlit sky. His mind was distracted.

Longtooth had shown him the crown that the prince would wear, saying that if he was the missing prince, then this and the throne was rightfully his. For a moment, Laval had considered saying yes.

But he couldn't. He wasn't sure.

Who was he? A broken guard? A lost prince? An abused child?

Yes, he'd finally come to grips with the fact that he had been abused as a child. But now what?

Laval closed his eyes, softly singing a bit. "If I'm a diamond, Then why do I feel so rough? I'm as strong as a stone, even that's not enough. There's something jagged in me and I've made such mistakes. I thought that diamonds were hard, though I feel I could break."

And he had nearly broken under Leonitarus, who forced him to conform to his own standards to the point where Laval barely had any individuality.

"Would you believe that I've always wished I could be somebody else? Yet I can't see what I need to do to be the Lion I want to be."

The Lion he wanted to be.....what did that look like to him?

"I've been told my whole life what to do, what to say. Nobody showed me that there might be some better way. And now I feel like I'm lost, I don't know what to do."

What could he do?

"The ground is sinking away, I'm about to fall through."

He felt trapped, both here and there. Everything he tried to hide was at risk of being discovered.

"Would you believe that I've always wished I could be somebody else? Yet I can't see what I need to do to be the Lion I want to be."

Was the Lion he wanted to be under Leonitarus? Or here, within the walls of the Lion City and surrounded by Lions who liked him, cared for him, valued him?

"To be the Lion I want to be."

Laval glanced at the starry sky, his heart and mind conflicted. "I need to know who I am and where I belong."

When he was a child, Laval had been told that the world around him was cruel and vindictive; easily destroying an innocent and fragile glass pane like Laval. The world would take Laval away from his family and sever the strong bonds they had.

But what if those bonds weren't real?

They had to be real. At least the bonds with Helena, Scomper, and Lion-O. But what about the others?

Laval wouldn't admit it, but he felt a strange connection to the king. There was just.....something there. Laval couldn't explain it, but he knew he had some sort of tie with the king outside of simply king and guard.

For now, though, he stood at his post on the bridge alone with his thoughts. The moon was full and shining bright.

It had been almost two months since he had escaped Leonitarus. The weight of his freedom and guilt at leaving Lion-O behind was finally gone. He felt happy, a genuine happiness that radiated in all directions from within.

A Speedor pulled up to the steps of the Lion City. Longtooth came out, his voice a near shout. "Lesar! Where have you been?"

The auburn-maned Lion climbed up the steps, huffing with the brisk movement. "Scouted out some Thunderan troops. They would've captured me, but one of them ordered the soldiers to let me go."

"What?" Longtooth asked.

Lesar nodded. "It was a Lion. At least I think it was. He gave me this envelope." He glanced at the brown envelope again. "It's for Levi."