Imagine Being Friends With Bangtan

Namjoon comforting you during a panic attack

You were shifting in your office chair nervously, spinning around while you waited for Namjoon to arrived. You hoped that he would remember not to ring the door bell because of your neighbors who always went to bed way too early and complained about every sound they could hear from your apartment.
About ten minutes had passed since he'd ended the call and you still could bring yourself to calm down. There was this undefined fear inside of you that kept your hands shaking and your eyes tearing up again and again no matter how often you pressed them close.
It was like you were no longer home in your own body. Control had left you long ago and all you could do was let the waves of emotion flow over you again and again, enduring the pain until he was finally here. Namjoon.

Your buzzing phone ripped you out of your thoughts and you flinched, taking a moment to come back to reality and see what was going on.

Joonie:
I'm at the back door, can you let me in?

You got up from your chair at once, hectically trying to comb your hair with your fingers so that you didn't look like a complete mess but it was no use. You didn't even dare to look into the mirror that hung in the bathroom you passed on your way from your bedroom to the back door. Surely, your eyes would be red and swollen, cheeks flushed and tearstains dried on them while your lips were dark from how hard you bit them to stop sobbing. What did it matter anyway? Namjoon had already seen you a while ago when you were on video-chat. He knew what you looked like during a breakdown like this and he didn't mind, did he?
Trying your best not to make a sound so that nobody in the building would wake up, you opened the door and stuck your head outside to see if he was really there. In the dark of the night, you could see his silhouette standing a few meters away, head lowered and face covered by a black mask while he had his hands buried in his coat-pockets. You immediately felt sorry that he had actually taken the time to drop by in the dark, especially now that it had started to rain.

"Come in.", you whispered and gestured for him to hurry up so that for one, you wouldn't be seen and two, he wouldn't catch a cold waiting outside for so long. Namjoon smiled which made his eyes form two little crescent moons and entered quickly, walking past you with fast steps to get to your room. Without a sound, you locked the door behind him again and then followed him inside where he'd already taken off his coat and mask, stretching his arms while looking around.
"Not much changed in here since I last visited.", he stated and you lifted your shoulders. It had never felt very comfortable having people talk about your own bedroom. It was supposed to be your private space, your comfort zone but much to your own surprise, you didn't mind Namjoon being here. Still, you didn't respond to him and tried your best not to seem too exhausted by everything. When your hands started trembling crazily again though, Namjoon sighed and took a step towards you. He always noticed these kinds of things. Even though you didn't look up at him you were sure that he was examining you with his concerned eyes before he wrapped his arms around your torso and held you tightly.

"y/n...", he mumbled and you sobbed at how sad his voice sounded. You didn't want him to feel bad about what was going on with you. You didn't want him to feel sorry for you either, you just wished that it had never come this far.
A while ago you had only wanted this one thing and then you failed. Why did it have to go wrong? You could have been in a much better place now, no longer having to hold on despite the suffering. No longer enduring the pain. You cold have disappeared.
But now you were here. Right where you used to be, with the only difference being that now, you dragged someone else into this pain with you.
"Stop it.", Namjoon interrupted your thoughts and you looked up at him in surprise. How did he know what you were thinking?
"You're doing it again. You're spiraling around things you can't control anymore. The past is in the past, y/n, you can never change that. And I don't want you to either. You should be happy that it didn't work back then. I would have been devastated and I... I know that I never said this but I love you. I love you so damn much, I need you around! You're my best friend. My family. You're my home, y/n, do you understand that? I want you to stay with me and I'll do everything I can for that to happen."