The Bliss of Falling in Love

Chapter 1

One mistake is all they see.- Royce Michelle

'Girl, ano na? Game?'. Tinignan ko si Kristy. Nagdadalawang-isip kung sasama ako o hindi mamayang gabi. Kaibigan ko siya noong nag third year ako.

'Siya na naman ba?'. Kinagat ko ang labi ko.

'Unfortunately, yes. Pero okay lang yan girl, malaki naman ang bigay di ba? Atsaka, atleast di pa-iba-iba at suki na. May pambayad ka pa. Hindi ka na mahihirapan paamohin noh. Ano na? Dali na, wag nang choosy, para matext ko si Mader na gora ka!'. Pangungumbinsi niya. Bumuntong hininga ako at tumango. Ngumisi siya at beneso ako bago umalis.

Nakatunganga ako dito sa kiosk habang nilalaruan ang libro ko. Dapat nagbabasa ako para sa up coming exam eh, pero iniisip ko yung costumer ko mamayang gabi.
Bumuntong hininga ulit ako nang maalala ko kung bakit ako nasa ganitong sitwasyon. Kung hindi ako nagpadala sa peer pressure, kung hindi sana ako nakikiparty at nagfe-feeling rich, edi sana hindi ako hahantong sa ganito. I used to be a scholar student here in our University. I was granted a full scholarship upon passing for the scholarship exam. At first my goals were so clear. Planado ko na anong gagawin ko at lahat-lahat. First semester was okay but during the second sem, I met Lesly and some of her friends. Una, sama-sama lang. They were friendly and I felt I belong especially na bago ako sa University, wala masyadong kakilala and from the fact na sa probinsya talaga ako galing. I was cultured-shock upon starting in the University. Parang naninibago at sumabay sa uso. Hindi ako santo para hindi madala sa temptasyon at hindi magpadala sa kuryosidad. Lesly and her friends likes to go out. Nae-excite rin akong sumama dahil hindi sila mapirmi sa iisang lugar except sa coffee shop kung saan kami madalas mag-aaral kuno. Una, marunong pa akong tumanggi but later on, mas nagiging jam ko na ang sumama sa kanila. Kahit saang bar at party nagiging present ako. I used my allowance to buy stuffs, party and supply for my neccessities. During second year, I was still confident na papasa ako sa required QPI ng University. I learned how drink and party hard. Kahit naman sa lugar namin, umiinom naman ako pero hindi katulad nung nakasama sila Lesly. I got myself a boyfriend named Gil and I lost my virginity to him. I was not really drunk when that happend pero mayroong pagsisisi kung bakit hinayaan kong mangyari yun. I then console myself that it was fine since Lesly and her friends were no longer virgin and it didn't really matter. Hindi lang kaisa ang may nangyari saamin, nasundan ulit yun on our third monthsary but after a week I broke up dahil namamanyakan na ako sa kanya. Hindi dahil sa boyfriend ko siya at may nangyari saamin ay pwede lang siyang humawak saakin ng basta-basta at, kung saan at kailan niya gusto. He was fine with it, saying I am no fun either. It did not hurt my ego, I don't even love the guy. Upon getting my first semester grades, I failed to pass the QPI requirement. Halos pasang-awa rin naman kasi ang grades ko. Luckily, I was given a last chance. It was a warning that if I failed to pass the requirement next time, my scholarship will say goodbye. Pinagbutihan ko sa Second Sem pero sumasama parin ako kila Lesly. Apart of me wants to let go from them. Mayaman naman kasi sila and all they have to get is a passing grade, no requirements and they can move up. Unfortunately, I was close on passing the required QPI. Okay na sana eh, 0.2 nalang ang kulang. I know wala na akong magagawa kung hindi tanggapin na wala na ang scholarship ko. I broke down upon realizing what I have done. Naalala ko ang parents ko and the disappointment kung malalaman nila ito.
Si Mama ay isang teacher at si Papa ay retired na sundalo. We are four in the family. Pangalawa ako. Mayroon akong Ate, bunsong lalaki at babaeng kapatid. I don't want to burden them, kaya nga ako kumuha ng scholarship exam ay para hindi mahirapan sila Mama. It was my Mother's idea actually. She wants me to go to this University. She'll be very disappointed kung malalaman niya to. I overthink of the consequences. Alam kong magiging isang malaking kahihiyan ako sa pamilya pati na sa lugar namin. May sakit at baldado na si Papa kaya napaaga ang retirement niya. Paano ako haharap sa kanila at ano ang ihaharap kong rason sa kanila kung bakit ako bumagsak. Bukambibig pa naman ako ni Mama sa mga co-teachers niya nang makatungtong ako sa Unibersidad na ito. I kept overthinking na pati ang mga kapit-bahay, batchmates ko, relatives ko at mga kakilala namin malaman na bumagsak ako. Hindi na ako pagpapaaralin nila Mama at magmumukha akong isang malaking disappoinment at kahihiyan sa pamilya namin. Madudungisan ang reputasyon ng pamilya ko.
I tried asking for help to Lesly, saying I would do her assignments and projects if tutulongan niya ako. She immediately declined. She said even her allowance would not reach such amount as my tuition. I was really down and lost, pero ayokong sabihin kila Mama, knowing their reactions if I brought this up because this is a big deal.
Pag-uwi ko saamin, I did not say a word about my scholarship. Noong kinamusta nila ako, I just said that I am coping and that my grades were fine. I did some summer jobs and save money but it was not enough to pay for the enrolment. Umalis din ako saamin saying that I need to help the Scholar's Organization for the upcoming enrolment. My allowance was enough for my apartment, stocks and miscellaneous. Kung gagamitin ko yun, I need to starve myself or even walk just to go to the Uni. I did use the money for my tuition. Kailangan ko lang tipidin ang sarili ko. I sell my tablet, preloved clothes and shoes para lang may pera.
I was close to giving up when I met Kristy. Fourth year business Ad  student and a sugar baby. I met her when I had to walk from the Uni to my apartment. Medyo malayo pero tiniis ko. Dahil sa uhaw ko, bumili ako ng bottled water sa tindahan kung saan siya nakaupo at may katawagan. I rested for a bit unintentionally evesdropping her conversation.