To my childhood companion, my first and only love,
I am numb.
Frost said that two roads diverged, and just like our lives, they did. Our path, the one we'd been on our entire lives has now reached a fork. A choice must be made but I am not strong enough to make it. They say I am strong, that I am a rock, but rocks do not have to feel this moment of desperation and emptiness when they are torn from the only thing they have ever known. Rocks are allowed to crack. I am not. Strength is allowed to wither and weaken. I am not. As we stand at our fork, hands clasped tight, I stare down the paths like two mortal enemies.
The path closest to you shines; delicate tendrils of morning sun gently hang from the blue ceiling of limitless hope. The opportunity that litters the ground grows tall and green next to the dirt road. This is the path you are meant to take; the one that will afford you the laughter and the love that I cannot give you no matter how much I pray. This is the path of a life I wish we could share, but fate does not grant that. You are lucky. You will know a life without the heartbreak of watching the one you love with your whole being love another. You will know a life where the life you have dreamed of and the life you deserve are one in the same. You should know this; but those who take that path never shall.
The path that beckons for me is not as bright at the start. Though you cannot see through the brush, I see the life that is in store for me. Just past the rose bush covering the brick of this road, the sun is playing hide and seek with the rain. The clouds of grey gloom and sadness cover the hope of the light. I know that somewhere, far down the road, I will heal and the sun will appear once more. But for now, I will trudge through the rain in a black dress and no umbrella, because sadness has no cover for the bad days of our lives. We must simply keep moving until we reach the light of the good days, but time must allow for it. Otherwise, the sadness will consume its prey. My path shall end up like yours eventually, with the love and the laughter and the absolute joy, but time must run its course before I can be greeted by it.
As we stand here, preparing to make the leap, I am tempted to turn and run back with you, all the way back to the start of our days together. The days of carefree happiness and invincibility. But I know I cannot hold you back from the life that you deserve. The moment has come for you and I to part ways, if only for a little while. Your strong arms and bright smile are burned in my memory, and that keeps me going. I know that you and I shall meet again one day in the near future. You are the only boy, the only person I have ever loved, and I want you to know that if you will have me in your life, in any capacity, I will be here for you. I will dance with you through rainy afternoons, hug you on cloudy nights, and on mornings when the light seems like it will never fade, I will laugh with you until the breath has left our bodies.
The hour is up, and as I stand here, wearing a purple dress and you in a black suit, I know that I must let go of your hand and we must start down our paths alone. Thank you for the life you have given me thus far, and as I take the step onto my road, I only wish I could see your face as you start down yours.
So I took the road less travelled by, and it will make all the difference for you and I.
With all my love,
Your best friend
