𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐕𝐄𝐍 𝐎𝐍 𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐇 | J.H

THREE

Sleeping was not something that came easily to Eleanor anymore, and even when it did she did not particularly enjoy it. Every time she drifted off, only for an hour or so at a time, her dreams were filled with the abyss of darkness she had found herself in during those four minutes and forty four seconds she had been dead - though it felt much longer than a few minutes, it had seemed like she was isolated for an eternity. It haunted her.

But those dreams were what brought her closest to feeling the pulse of emotion in her veins. She knew the hollow terror she felt when she found herself dreaming of that hellish purgatory was only a ghost of her true emotions, a memory that had burned itself into her mind. Despite the anguish of those dreams, occasionally she savoured them in an effort to escape her numbness.

At five AM after a long sleepless night of reading, something that she did to pass the endless hours, Eleanor decided to prepare for her first day at Forks High School.

It didn't take her long to choose an outfit, throwing on a black hoodie with some design embroidered in white on the front - she had forgotten what it was but didn't care enough to remind herself - and some leggings. Checking herself in the mirror out of habit, she noticed how much she had changed.

Whilst she was never tanned, her complexion had become much pastier, as if the blood never did start pumping again. The purple-blue bags beneath her eyes had become much more prominent and her straight blonde hair was ashier now, as if the rich blondness had been leached out, leaving a dull greyish tone.

It was her eyes that she saw the most difference in, however. She had inherited them from her mum, deep blue and full of emotion - her friends used to say they could read her eyes like a book, they portrayed her every thought and feeling. Now they were dim, like a light bulb as it flickered to its untimely death. Empty and blank, the navy had dulled to a stony blue.

Overall, she looked grey and dreary, a shell of who she used to be - not aided by her black outfit. But her appearance had never really bothered her, although know she would be happy to feel anxiety about the way she looked, or any emotion.

Eleanor opened each of her windows, letting the cold breeze in, hoping to feel at least a chill on her skin. It is the only way she could be brought back to reality, to remind herself the actuality that she was still very much alive and human. Despite feeling the opposite.

At six Eleanor went down and made herself some coffee - something she relied on heavily now that she slept an average of two hours a week. With the burning cup of coffee in her hand (another thing she had become desensitised to - pain was something she rarely felt, even when she had taken a blade to her wrists in an attempt to escape her numbness, whilst there was a slight sting it was fleeting and didn't much help) she perched on the sofa with her gaze on the cloudy sky outside and waited for Bella to come down.

Charlie came down first, not noticing Eleanor until she announced her presence with a, "Morning."

He jumped slightly before releasing a breath of relief, "Oh uh, you're up early." He started making himself a cup of coffee.

"Yeah, I didn't really sleep much, first day nerves and everything," As Eleanor heard herself she couldn't decide whether it was a good thing that she had become such a convincing liar.

"Oh well, Bells'll look after you, you'll be fine."

As if at the mention of her name, Bella practically tripped down the stairs.

"You ready to go?" Her bag hung from one of her shoulders as she made her way to the door.

Eleanor scooped up her grey bag - matching her overall theme, apparently - and followed Bella towards her burnt orange truck. It was the type of thing you'd see on a road trip and imagine all of the adventures it had been on - old and rusting but full of memories.

They jumped in and it grumbled to life, obviously on its last legs.

"So Edward huh?" Eleanor made an effort to make her voice sound coy and playful.

Bella sent her an incredulous look as she tried to focus on the road.

"Charlie mentioned him on our way over."

"Oh uh, yeah, you'll meet him today. I think you'll like him."

The drive was filled with mindless chatter, Eleanor impressing herself with her faux emotions. Maybe if she pretended for long enough they would manifest and become real.

They pulled into the car park, second hand cars scattered around but no where near full seeing as they had come in early for Eleanor's introduction, and hopped out.

"Nervous?"

"Not really, I've got you and we've only got a few weeks until graduation."

Bella respected her confidence, she couldn't help but be weary - something about the cold edge of Elle's voice seemed uncertain, it was almost uncaring. She felt guilt nibble at her for her judgements, she had just lost her family and home.

They made their way into the school, Bella leading her to the office where she collected her schedule and a few other forms before showing her to her first class.

The lessons went by quickly, Eleanor watching the rain fall mindlessly for most of them. A few people spoke to her and she replied politely with as much vigour as she could muster, but blocked out most of the conversation around her. The words didn't quite reach her, as if she were underwater and all noise was muffled and incoherent.

At lunch she found her way to the cafeteria, spotting Bella as she waved her over.

"Guys this is Elle, she just moved from London."

The nickname seemed wrong, Elle was the person she used to be.

"Hey," Her smile was wide as she took a seat between Bella and a baby-faced boy she learned to be Mike.

"Elle," Bella put a hand on her shoulder, "This is Edward."

Her eyes met his strangely coloured ones, her empty smile still sitting on her face.

"Nice to meet you," An odd expression landed on his face, a mix between frustration and confusion that was quickly replaced with a smile.

"You too," Her smile softened, "You two look good together."

For once she wasn't lying.

Eleanor didn't much engage in the conversation about Jessica's valedictorian speech after answering a few inevitable questions about England. She sipped her coffee and observed the dynamics of the group until she met another pair of oddly amber eyes.

They seemed to be dissecting her, analysing her as she sat unmoving and unfeeling.

Then, for a fleeting moment she thought she felt the warmth of content flow through her body. It was nothing compared to the raw pulse of emotion she remembered, but it was something other than blankness, it felt like she had been drowning in her own numb mind and the subtle joy was a breath of fresh air before being pushed back under.

It was gone in a second leaving her to wonder if it was even real, not noticing the sly smirk on Jasper Hale's face.