〤still you | levi ackerman

twenty two | edited

levi

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When I met her I thought she would be just like the rest; wanting my attention every chance she got, plead to work closer to each other, go out more often than shooting movies or shows. Those were the people that would try and pick me up.

But when she came into my life, it felt like life had placed a loving embrace around me. She was the prettiest girl I have ever seen. Her cute eyes filled with innocence as she would waltz around trying not to catch my attention.

I knew she wasn't doing it on purpose. Her goal seemed to keep her from being distracted from me, but when I teased her every so often, I would always get a cute reaction that made me want to melt alongside her.

However, I knew that I couldn't just leave the stereotypes people had on me. They pictured me as a man with no emotion with a cold demeanor. Disappointment would only be the result and that was the last thing I wanted from people.

I have always faced the look of disappointment from certain people. And it hurt the most to the point where I had to change everything about myself. I hardened my shell and became known as the cold type.

It hurts to know that I couldn't show my true self in her presence. I felt so out of place and a real idiot for pushing her away. I had tried so hard to ignore her whenever she was near. She was the light of every part of my day and I grew to be someone she hated.

At first, I had thought that we were getting closer, but when I had to keeping up the cold act, I made her think I was a dickhead. And in reality, I am a dickhead and I would never be able to get a chance with her.

She had voiced out her emotions that one day and I decided that ignoring and avoiding her would help me forget about her. Except, I was being mean and overbearing that it caused her to become sick.

She seemed to spend her days working so hard, too hard to make the scene look good. I wanted to fix my mistakes, yet I continued to lash out at her without knowing that she was sick. It pained me so much to look at her feverish-flushed face.

She was sweating with eyes of terror that stared so deep into my soul. I felt a part of me break every second she looked my way. I wanted a redo with her, with everything that involved being near her. I wished she could look at me the day in a better light on the first day we met.

Admiration. She looked at me with so much admiration that it changed the little things I did. I picked her up and dropped her off during our first photoshoot. I helped when we were at the hotel. I managed my space and kept her from feeling uncomfortable.

I teased her in a joking manner and always kept a boundary from being too mean about it. Always watching her whenever I said something that she felt embarrassed about. It had been a long time since I felt so much joy from her.

Since I had felt these emotions, I never though they would just reappear at a time where it wasn't needed. These emotions were kept away for multiple reasons and now it was unlocked the moment I let my guard down.

She made me this way and I don't plan to blame her for it. She would bring me life, energy, happiness. There were things that I didn't want in the world anymore, yet with her, she always made me ignore all of it.

The signs warned me to say no. My mind wanted me to leave her be. They sided with each other, but one thing that went against them was my heart. My heart wanted me to let her in. And I hadn't realized it was too late to deny it.

She reintroduced me to love. The love that I have been waiting for. For years, I've tried to reach someone who would meet me at the same time. I waited for someone to bring me light whenever I was in the dark.

Her. She made me want to reach for her at any chance I got. I needed her now more than ever. And I ruined all my chances at reaching for someone that was reaching back at me. My heart churned in agony whenever she would give me a dismissive look, or walked away from me.

I was a disaster after every interview, shoot, and promotional aspect of our movie. She ruined me, but I ruined it first. It was always me who had to break all the love that was given to me.

I wanted her, I yearned for me, I pleaded for her. But I had to go home watching her feel as I felt like shit. I wanted to cry all my sorry sorrows out to her, but my emotions took so much of my life that it felt so hard to even let her in.

It seemed like our relationship was only moving with the hatred that grew. Just like everytime I talked to her, she seemed to hate me even more. And I respond with a mean tone to cover up my sadness. As much as I disliked the fact that we hated each other, it pained me the most to force words with false meanings out my mouth.

Now I'm standing in the middle of the room she left me in. A pain resonates to every cell, every nerve of my body. It was so hard to collect my thoughts and to work without having to think about her every second of my life.

My head hurt, swayed at the image of her appearing in my mind. I had realized it all. My emotions were taking a toll on my life and I knew it was beginning to show it's true self. I changed once I had connected with her.

My hand lifted up to place itself on my beating heart that rapidly felt like it was about to combust. My face turned into disbelief as my face grew hot with the hue of red. My emotions got the best of me when my heart finally opened to her in a meaningful embrace. And I knew by then, she wouldn't be leaving my side anytime soon. 

Because I love her.

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jessi speaks !
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i love hearing from my readers xx

WOW! i was just kidding about the
hate sex btw. teasing you guys 🫢
but there will be smut, just like more
wholesome ones.

question of the day:
a song that brings you happiness?

my response:
golden hour by jvke is pretty cute
and happy. i love the lyrics 🥺