Living in a day dream

chapter one

I am being engulfed by silence, my ears full of it, the silence goes into my mouth I am sinking in it, I never learned how to swim and god I wish did, I try and figure out how to, I wave my arms and legs around but it's no use, the ropes holding me are getting loose, I start to sink down under, its no wonder that my anxiety starts to take over me as well, my clothes are getting damper, and my hair is floating around, my fingers are cold, trying bluer by the second... But suddenly I can hear again, I think I am dreaming, I never even was near the water that's the last thing I remember, I think I am going Crazy, the noises keep getting louder and louder but it's not a pleasant sound, my eyes struggle to open, but eventually they win the fight and I can see, but then again I am met with darkness, and I am thinking to myself did I really wake up? I looked around trying to find a light, but I was met with a window, a big square window that I've never seen before. I get out of what I think is a bed and I start walking to the window, but soon the floor turns into mush, and I am sinking again, my hands are panically looking for something to hold but they are met with nothing and as I sink more I realize that I might be going crazy.

The floor mauled my skin, leaving bruises and cuts all over, and soon my head is near it and I am scared I scream for help but no one answers, but then again who's gonna be living in my nightmare.

And then suddenly I am falling, I am moving quickly but everything around me is in slow motion, I am getting dizzy looking around me, the difference between the speed of my heartbeats, and my breathing, the speed of me falling and the slowness of my surroundings all catch up to me, and soon I am losing consciousness.

I wake up hoping I am back in the real world, the one I hated not too long ago, but I am disappointed when I am met with a bright red room.RED. the color of fire, the fire that runs through my veins, the color of STOP a thing I never learned when to do, so is that a hint? Is there another dangerous thing waiting for me

The color is so unsettling, and it doesn't do anything to calm my nerves. I look around me and all I see is a mirror. Although not any mirror, I go closer to observe it better, but as I got closer I feel something touching me, I got scared and decided to move away but I am being held onto my place, and that thing makes me go closer to the mirror with each tug, and soon I am once again being sucked into another dimension.

.... "Okay this is getting boring now" I thought as I am being swarmed by the unknown, I feel myself being watched and for some reason it gives me comfort. comfort ... that's a new feeling I am experiencing.

Suddenly I am in my hometown, specifically my bed, my room, everything is back to "normal"!

"What the hell? All this drama and I don't know what happens, at last, that's a shit dream"

I get up so I can go to my favorite place, it's my little secret no one knows about, and it makes me happy. The only place I feel complete safeness. Yes, its the only place even my home doesn't feel like home, imagine how many people lived here before me, how many people died here, how many people had bad memories here, and how many people used to know people who lived here and know how they can get here, okay I am a little ridiculous for thinking that way but that's just me and my weird brain having a normal day.

I go to my not so nice bathroom and get ready for the day, and I can't help but seem to notice that I actually feel okay today, it doesn't happen very often but I am not complaining about it, I could never.

I put on my very worn-out shoes and headed to my car my pride and joy. I named her sally, don't even ask me why or what's the meaning behind it because I genuinely don't know.

I drive past my apartment complex and I can't help but smile looking at my old neighbor that I seem to like. We never really talked but his smile was warm enough to make me feel happy.

I finally reach my destination and I get out of my car, with each step I take I feel smaller and smaller, my legs are getting weaker and weaker I fall to the ground and I can't move, my body is paralyzed and all that's moving is my mind, everything around me is melting and I am quick to realize that I never even woke up, part of this realization makes me feel better about this situation but at the same time I am full of anxiety because of my inability of movement, and being in an uncontrollable nightmare. 

I let go of myself and let my fucked up mind take full control, my limbs are numb and my eyes are heavy, I allow myself to break, and I am not okay.