Shattered light (the story of true redemption)

Where it begin

CHAPTER 1

                 By the slamming of the door, I knew she was home. I looked over at the clock on the nightstand. I saw it was 6 in the morning. I have been up bout 3 hours now, unable to sleep because of this nightmare. I have been battling this since that unfortunate event that happened years ago. It's been a while since I have had this dream, but it's the third time this week. I heard voices, and I knew she had another one of her male friends over; who is this person, you might ask; well, she is my mother. Ever since I could remember, she always had one guy or another in her bed, sometimes twice a day. I would ask her why she always brought different men to the house, and she would either tell me that it was nothing of my business or that this was the only way she could survive; It came to the point that I didn't ask her anymore. I plug my headphone into my phone and turn up the music on the radio icon to drown out the noise they are making, and pick up back the book that I was reading. As long as I can remember, I have loved to read; it takes me from the harsh reality of life and sends me to a faraway land of ware wolfs, vampires, and other fancies I can find at the local library. A loud bang! Came on my door that startled me, taking me out of my imagination of fairy tales and romance and to the world of my reality. Even though the headphone I had on was loud, it was so cheap I could still hear loud sounds in my surroundings.  I got up out of bed and headed towards my door, and opened it to see my mom glaring at me. She shifts her light brown eyes to look past me and inside my bedroom. 

   "Weh the food deh mi tell yuh prepare fi mi?" she asked, looking back at me with her hand crossed over her chest, her eyes full of a hidden rage behind them. She was in her fluffy pink bathrobe, indicating that she just got out of the shower, and her male guess was probably long gone by now.

" Mommy mi figet, but mi a go do it now," I said to her, not meeting her eyes. I move to pass her and head over to our tiny kitchen. 

"So, wait for mi deh pon the road all night trying fi make likkle money so we can have somewhere to live this morning and not even likkle tea yuh nuh put pon the stove". she said walking over to me; her hands were on her hips now and a look of irritation plaster on her face. 

" Mama, I didn't expect yuh coming home so early this morning" I said in a calm voice, trying not to match the energy she wanted to bring so early in the morning. I could feel the dull ache forming in the side of my head, probably from not getting enough sleep for the past three nights. 

"Why yuh nuh just do road with mi like the old times Eh? that woulda really help me with some of the bill 'roun this house". She said not really asking more like demanding me. I felt my body tense and goosebumps rush to the surface of my skin. ' How could she ask this of me, knowing fully well what happened' I thought as whisk the eggs and pray to God she just drops the subject. 

"Mother please, I give up on that type of living, I am following the path of righteousness now, I want to go back to school and study fashion designing why can't you just understand" I said. My hand shook as pour the battered eggs inside the heated pan and watched as the egg sizzle. I stir the eggs when the clear part of the egg starts to become white and hardens. 

"Fashion designing? Stop chat foolishness gyal yuh think that can put food pan the table and pay the bills in this house ehhh, so Weh yuh try a fi seh, that the life mi a live nuh righteous?". she yells the sweetness that was in her voice had disappeared and coldness take its place.

What am I even thinking she always been cold to me when I don't agree with her or do what she says. I take a plate from the drying rack and start putting the cooked eggs on there.

" I can see that am not getting through to you, am going for a walk" I said feeling the heat of anger run through me as head towards the door.
   "Yeah, Gwan but dis yah conversation is not over yuh hear mi, is either you accept Biggs offer and get the little money or yuh can forget stepping yuh foot back in this house" she yells before I close the door behind me. God sometimes I wonder if she is truly my mother or was, I adopted.
Biggs was the new area leader that took over about a year ago right after dem kill mad max, people have it fi seh him was working for mad max long before him dead. Biggs have been tormenting me even before him become area leader. You see we use to attend the same primary school, and him and his gang would always walk with me after school confessing how him like me and how him want me to be his woman.
Even back then I knew I didn't want him, plus as we got older, he got more involved with the streets, even having a lot of baby mothers and girlfriends and less time for his studies and that's not the type of man I want for myself.
      Stepping out in the early morning the sun was just on the arising. the morning was sill cool, and the gentle breeze calm my nerves. I took a short cut at the back of the house avoiding the main roads because it was really early in the morning, and it was dangerous to travel so early in the morning. I took the road that led to nana's house, at least there I could have peace of mind. Nana was a sweet old lady, who lived in the other part of town, after the incident that happened 5 years, she took me like I was her own granddaughter. I was just 13 then but ever since I could remember my mother have been telling me that I have to use my body to get what I want in this life, especially those of us that didn't grow up with a silver spoon in our mouths or come from a decent neighborhood. So, she had start to use her manipulative ways to trick me in to, according to her 'do road with her'.