𝕎𝕙𝕠 ℍ𝕒𝕧𝕖 𝕀 𝔹𝕖𝕔𝕠𝕞𝕖

꧁ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝕆𝕟𝕖꧂

I am walking down the street of my little town. I don't usually know where I am going just as long as I am out of my house I am happy. The people in my town probably hate me because I am always walking around listening to music on my speaker. I am usually listening to my soft aesthetic playlist. I currently am wearing a red and white stripped shirt with my favorite pair jeans. I always wear them with the the ends cuffed and my red converses. I think most people would think my outfit looks nice. I never really have anyone to ask if it does. I just judge by my own preference. I don't even know if I look silly or not because what I might think looks cool looks weird to others. I was introduced to other peoples' judgement when my mom saw me standing in the kitchen and looked me up and down and said, "You look really fat in that shirt." I mean I've always known that I was a little bit chubby but from that point on I've never been able to look at myself the same. Any time I look in the mirror I can only see my fatness. I am always so worried about what the world sees me as. I mean my own mom thought I looked fat. What would the rest of the world think of me? I mean they have no reason to think about me nicely. They don't know me so they can think whatever they want no matter how mean it is. I just really hope that no one sees me the way my mom sees me. 

I snap ot of my thoughts and realize where I am. I look at the big tree next to the gate that opened up to the old abandoned baseball park. I walked through the gate and went to the bleachers. The white paint was chipping off revealing the natural color of the wood. Showing how old this park really was. I step to the top and lay down. I set my speaker next to me along with my phone. I just stare up at the sky watching the clouds pass by. It is always peaceful for me to be able to come here and calm down.  I get kinda used to the yelling and general loudness at my house that being out here feels weird sometimes. It is always so quiet the only thing keeping me from complete silence is my music. Sometimes I wish I had a friend to help me keep the silence from taking over but I guess I like being alone. My older sister, Macy, is to old for me to be friends with her. I mean she is already 25 and I am only 16. She moved out of the house when I was 10. Back then Macy was always there for me and could always keep a smile on my face. She moved out when she started talking to Kevin. I never really liked Kevin, I always got bad vibes from him. No matter how much I told my sister she would just laugh at me and call me a silly kid. From there on I have been alone. I guess I have just grown to like it after a while. 

All of the kids in my school think I am weird or something because they never talk to me. Even when I try to talk to them they ignore me or push me away. I gave up on that one real quick. I just assumed I really was meant to be alone. I don't even know why they think I am so weird. Am I weird?