Undecided

Chapter 1

I didn't hear the gunshots.

Or the screams.

I felt as if I was someplace far, far away from there. Somewhere where no one was told that you weren't good enough, somewhere where you actually counted as a whole person, not just half.

But that's how it was, and I guess that's how it would always be unless someone had the guts to go and change everything. But that person wasn't me. And it never would be.

"Audrey, there are coming! Coming, I tell you! Get your bags together and stand by the door. When they knock, open it immediately, lest they knock it down!"

My mother yells at practically the top of her lungs, warning me that if I don't listen, we will all be dead within a matter of seconds. And truth be told, we probably would.

The soldiers had been coming to houses around the neighborhood quite often now, rousing people in the middle of the night and shooting them if they didn't come out within ten minutes.

"Those Nazi brutes, they'll probably shoot us anyway if we speak one word that sounds Jewish." I mutter to myself quietly, but not quietly enough, because my half-crazed mother screams back at me,

"Audrey! Do NOT say that ever again! I will come over and slap you if I have to, you idiot!"

For a moment, I wish Father was still alive and well, just to stop this madness that had over taken my mother over a year ago, after my father had been taken to Auschwitz and presumably murdered. But, if I actually thought about it, I wouldn't want Father to see Mother like this, screaming and having nightmares of Nazis storming in our house and shooting us all to death, laughing at the same time.

I mean, she did have reason to be scared; our neighbors, the Welch's, had just been captured and taken the week before, leaving behind every possesion they owned.

Just as I wander out of my daydream, I hear a loud and fierce knocking on our front door. I run and start to open it when I am practically pushed down by the door falling in on me.

"Ten minutes you swine! And no more! I expect you to have a bag, and one bag only! Or I will be..... shall we say.... desposing of you quickly." Says a man with blazing blue eyes, and practically white hair. His uniform shows him of the utmost least importance, but he acts like he rules the world. Before he turns and leaves, he happens to glance at me, and with a smirk says, "I believe we've found a pretty flower in this bunch of pigs. I wonder how that is possible. Well, no matter, we've plenty more real women than the like of you."

As he walks away, I am infuriated. You idoit! You son of a bloody bitch! I shout in my head, hoping that somehow the words transfer throught the air and land in his head.

Meanwhile, I run back to Mother, making sure that our one bag for each of us is packed accordingly, and tell her to have strength. She kisses my cheek, the first actually motherly sign from her in the past few years, and grabs my hand. We walk slowly down the staircase, turn off the light behind us, and head out the door.

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In all actuality, it isn't that terrible. I mean, come on, I've period cramps worse than this. But, still. I couldn't really explain it to you in even the simplest terms. It's just one of those things, you know? I guess I could try. But remember, I said "try." Not "do," or "will," but "try." So here it goes.

Maybe about 12 weeks ago, I started having these weird, I mean really weird dreams. I would wake up in the middle of the night sweating and then stay up wondering what the heck just happened. I didn't think anything of it at first.