Lost time ~~Sequel to White Lies ~~ Cameron Dallas ~~

Pt 3 Lost

Astrid's POV

I've tried my best to recover but I can only see myself and darkness. This world is full of do or die and right now I'm a success in die. I can only just look at my reflection without seeing monsters judge me and laugh at me. I can't see myself live because right now I'm only living with myself. I'm alone. Lonely.

"Astrid."I look over to my door and see Rose standing with food.

"Yes Rose."I say as calm as I could. I have to try and act nice to people but I'm sick of acting because that just shows how fake I'll be.

"I made you some food."I shake my head as she puts it down in front of me. I wanted to puke that's all I could say. I couldn't stand the smell it was just revolting.

"Well at least have a drink."She put juice in front of me but I pushed it away.

"I'll only drink water."She sighs and walks out. One minute later she brings a bottle of water. I licked my lips because they were dry and as soon as she hands me the drink I gulp it down. It only took me a few gulps to finish the whole drink.

"I'm sorry Astrid."She says as she hugs me. I was shocked at first but I hugged her back with just as much force.

"I haven't been looking after you lately but I'll make up for it."I nod and let her go. She leaves me alone in the room with the food. I stood up and picked the plate up and walked to the toilet and chucked it down the toilet and flushed it.

When I got back I felt my feet fall underneath my weight and everything got all dizzy. I breath in and out trying to catch my breath. I get to my feet and grab a jacket and put it over my shoulders and stand at my door.

I need to pick up my act and grow a pair. I need to put the darkness behind me because that's where they belong. Their just shadows following me to catch up. They try to crash me down but I'm not one to crash, sure I'll make a flaw here and there but I wouldn't call that a crash I would call that a mistake, I'll call it a mistake because I know I'll be making those a lot where I go because....I'm not perfect but I can work with myself and all my flaws, my mistakes.

I open the door and close my eyes because of the light. I lean against the wall feeling the fresh air getting to my head so wait until I can move. I grab the side railing and put all my weight on it. Step by step I can feel the bright sun getting to me so I stop and breath again.

"What are you doing out of the room."I look at Rose and take another step.

"Doing what I should be doing."I say but I miss a step and tumble down three steps making me land on my side. Rose rushes to my aid but I put my hand up signaling for her to stop in her track.

"Please don't do this Astrid."I shake my head and pull myself up by the railing ignoring the pain that shot through my stomach and carried on through the lounge.

I stopped at the couch and put all my weight on the couch. Rose tried to push my to sit down but I made my way to the kitchen. I walked out just as fast because the smell made me want to puke out all my insides, well what I had left.

I walked up to the sliding door that opened to the outside but was stopped by Roses voice.

"You'll hurt yourself."I push her away and open the door. It's soon closed by someone making me turn around with an annoyed look. It's the lady from yesterday.

"You're not going outside."I clench my fist together because she's really getting on my nerves.

"Well I never knew you were my mother."I spat at her.

"Stop this Astrid."She grabbed my wrist making me growl and slap her hand away from my grip.

"I maybe weak and fragile but I can still put up a fight."She gave me a weak smile making me feel my blood boil.

"You're just as stubborn as you used to be."She sits on the couch and puts her head in her hands. I ignore it and open the door. I look back at her and groan.

"What do you mean used to."I say as I close the door and take a seat next to her feeling my muscles relax.

"You were just as stubborn as Cameron. You two were inseparable. You brought out the best of the both of yous, sometimes the worst but without the dark days I guess there wouldn't be any bright days. But you two were crazy for each other. You went through thick and thin with him. You were so happy and just lovable and-. I stand from the seat feeling my anger boil.

"Don't you dare come in this house and say who I was or wasn't. I will not let someone like you tell me what my past was. You can't tell me I was happy, sad or any of that shit cause you wouldn't know. But I never want to see your face around this place and don't you ever place another foot inside this house or talk to me."I yell at her. I walk over to the door and push it open.

I walk outside and feel nothing. I was hoping that seeing the sun would bring me hope, feeling the grass, touching the dirt. I was hoping that I would be full of faith, love anything but all I feel is lonely and alone. I can only wait but I guess my patience is thinning by every second and my heart is breaking with ever word I speak and don't speak.

I drop to my knees and cry into my hands as tears left my eyes and entered the earth.

Why do I miss what I never had.