Falling in love with poison.

𝓗𝓲𝓶

I met this boy kind of goofy.... he caught my heart and my eyes and made me fall in love with him. We started dating and he started to treat me like a queen, we would talk every night, every day. Now I feel alone. I've developed a sickness, depression. My friends don't like me anymore. My family doesn't care, my boyfriend could care less. I send him paragraphs every night as I stay up writing my heart out about how much I love him! He wakes up and says he wants to marry me and he appreciates me. Tells me he loves me, I don't hear a word from him for the rest of the day, I scroll through the internet on my phone until I get bored of my phone. I take a nap, wake up a couple hours later, family wants me to clean up a mess I didn't create, I do it. Only to come back to my phone to zero notifications, it runs through my head that no one loves me, no one has the energy to pick up their phone and text me, I feel alone. My bf live streams all day quite the popular streamer, but gives his fan girls more attention than me. I shouldn't be mad or jealous because they are "just fans" but they get awfully to close for them to be "just fans". I wanna chuck my phone at a wall, I wish I was single but I'm in love with a boy who only cares for me sometimes. I go to bed without eating, wake up send my daily morning paragraph to my boyfriend, no response, he hasn't woken up yet. I sit on my phone scrolling through TikToks, a video pops up that has a a girl crying about her bf not loving her, I comment "same sis" and I cry along with her, I get a message From my boyfriend all he responds to my paragraph is a red heart. I tell him I love him, he says it back I tell him I miss him, his response "same" I ask what he's doing he says "nothing" doesn't ask how I'm doing or what I'm doing, I remember the other day he wasn't feeling well, "how are you feeling baby" I respond. He tells me "still awful" once again conversation is dead didn't ask how I'm feeling or what I'm doing, I get upset and say "text me later" he responds with "ok" it's been a couple hours and he's been streaming for a while, hasn't texted me. I feel alone and unloved.

I just wish I felt loved again.....