Preacher Man

Chapter 4

I walked into the bar to numb my pain. I need to be sober. Sober from my thoughts. Sober from my feelings. I just need to be... Numb.

I slammed my card down on the table. "One whiskey on the Rocks, please."

The bartender nods and checks my card, and gives me my drink.

... Five drinks later, I couldn't see anything. I didn't know anything. I forgot everything. Except for Laura. I immediately went to order a sixth drink, but the bartender cut me off. "You've reached your limit. You can't have any more. You're so intoxicated, you need to get a ride home."

"What!? What about my car!?" I yelled.

"We'll keep it here until tomorrow, don't worry, it won't get towed. I'll make sure of it." He reassured me.

I nodded and stumbled outside. I need more. I walked to a nearby gas station to get alcohol, and I slammed my ID and my whiskey bottle down, and the girl working there jumps up and I immediately notice her eyes. She was slightly scared, before she greeted me with a kind smile. "Oh hey Ross!"

I looked into her eyes and my eyes widened and I blushed in embarrassment. "Rauraaa! I ridn't row rou rorked rereeee!"

Her eyes widened when she realized that I was drunk. "Oh Ross... You're-"

"REELING RETTER RHAN REVER REAAAAH!" I screamed, excitedly.

She giggled a bit and before regaining her composure, mumbling underneath her breath, "Ruh Roh Raggy, rou're runk."

I felt this extremely sick sense of guilt. It was more than having to throw up. It was like, I saw her, and I didn't want to drink anything again. Suddenly, my words were starting to come together again. "I uhm... I don't want this anymore. Where's your bathroom?"

She grabbed the key and took my hand, leading me to the bathroom so that I didn't fall. Then she unlocked the door and let me in. Rubbing my back as the contents of alcohol started emptying my system.

Once I was done, I washed my hands and Laura placed a paper towel against my face. "You're really red." She whispered.

I wonder why. A beautiful woman is caring for me. She's not scolding me. She's helping me.

She gave me my ID back when we excited the bathroom, and put the bottle back up. I went to leave but her voice stopped me, "Ross? Stay here. My shift is almost over. My car is fixed. It's time for me to give you a ride home."

I nodded and sat in a chair in the corner, waiting. She grabbed two waters and payed for them both, before handing me mine. Then she locked the doors and turned all of the lights off. "Ready to go?"

I looked up at her "Yeah, but you didn't have to pay for my wat-"

"I wanted to. You've been through a lot, and even then, you've helped me out so much. You're a very selfless person." She said.

We got into her car. "So... Where do you want me to drop you off?"

I gave her the directions and we started heading back to my place.

"Well, we're here now." She said, smiling at me.

I looked at her and said, "I'm sorry."

"Why?" She asked.

"That you saw me like that. Me drinking. And I know that you don't believe in it, and I just feel... Ashamed." I looked down.

"Hey, Ross. You have nothing to feel ashamed of. Yeah, maybe I'm a church girl, and maybe I don't drink, but I'm not perfect. No one is. I'd never expect you to be."

I looked back up at her curiously, "What made you believe?"

She sighed a bit, "Well, believe it or not, growing up in a church isn't enough to make anyone believe. It took until I was at my worst. Until I couldn't take it anymore. Until I needed something other than who I was, to lead me to who I needed." She paused for a second. "I don't believe out of fear. I don't believe out of force. I believe because of experience. I believe because there's something beautiful about the fact that someone died for everyone in this world, knows all of our names, and loves us all. Judgemental Christian's are just afraid and insecure. They're too afraid to judge themselves. It's not about society. It's about Him. If he died for all of us, what right do we have to frown down upon people who he loves just as equally?"

"Do you think He could love me?" I asked.

She smiled, "He already does."

"Even like this?" I asked.

"Especially like this, Ross. He loves every part of you, the good and the bad. He can forgive you, but that's up to you. That's your decision. It's not going to be easy. You're still going to sin. Everyone does. But that's what the cross is for. Forgiveness." She squeezed my hand tightly.

I looked at the time "It's 1 AM now... Do you want to stay here? I'll sleep on the couch."

She smiled and said "Sure! I'd love to, but I can sleep on the couch if you want."

"No. I'm sleeping on the couch, and that's final, Missy." I said.

She laughed lightly and nodded "Okay, okaaay."

We went into the house and I let her borrow my shirt and she fell asleep in the bedroom.

I went to the couch and got on my knees, realizing the paranoia of the familiar feeling of love, except this time, it was stronger than ever.

I'm down on my knees, yeah I'm paranoid,
Don't want to repeat what I did before,
I want to believe that there's something more,
I want to believe...

I felt something that I've never felt before.

"He already does. Especially like this, Ross."

"If he died for all of us, what right do we have to frown down upon people who he loves just as equally?"

This girl... She should be a preacher...

Hey Mr. Preacher Man,
Can you help me get away from this life of sin?
I'm ashamed of the dark places I have been.
Fix my soul so I don't lose a love again.