The green lamppost // n.h

4.

Maybe what I was doing was illegal, maybe this was going through someone’s privacy. I wouldn’t like it if someone read my diary, like those are my secrets, even if anything I read in this diary was very private. I really want to read something very surprising. But what do I expect from a diary?

We say that a diary is somewhere where we write all our deepest secrets, our plans for the future that we don’t want anyone to know yet we only write stupid things like what our moms say or the throws we got at beer-pong.

It's not like it's not interesting the book, but i just thought that maybe this could have more information, like what will she do after high school or how old she is.

I turned the page and saw something very curious in front of me, she hadn’t written anything for more than a week.

19th December, 2014

It’s been some days since I haven’t written anything, but right now I am very sad. I can’t even write properly. I’m crying a whole river. I started writing this diary just so, maybe, when I’ll be older, I’ll get to read how I used to be when I was 17 and show it to my sons or daughters, or both. But I won’t get to read anything.

I wanted this diary to be different; I wanted to be able to die at my oldness thinking that this was going to be a perfect life. But no, it’s basically a typical diary.

The 11th I went to the doctor because I fainted again and they told me that it was necessary to make me an analytic where it’d say what my problem was.

I’m so tired, ill and so fuc*ing done. I can’t even….  I’m about to pass out again and I don’t want this to happen.

When they told me the results I was so heart broken, I just started to cry in my mom’s shoulder. I wanted to believe that I was dreaming.

It’s been three days since I haven’t seen the brown doors of high school. I’m not even thinking of going. How the hell am I supposed to look at my friends and tell them: hey, I have some very bad news?

The only things I saw those days were the things I reached to see from my window. The lights of the biggest Christmas tree in town, the green lamppost which is the only one in the whole town, funny because all of them are grey and then you see this green one and it’s so easy to say I live right in front of the green lamppost.

I would like to keep writing, because it really helps me to get everything out of my chest but I’m going to take a nap.

-         Martina, x

******

You don’t have to be a detective to know that this girl has cancer. Is she dead now? I just want to know what happened to her.

The first thing I do is grab my jacket and get out of home. Where am I going? I don’t know.

I started walking to nowhere until I realized what I was doing, I found myself walking to the green lamppost.

Once I was there, I stood right next to it and looked up to see a window that would fix perfect for its sight to see the lamppost. But there were like three houses.

I didn’t know what to do. I took the diary out and started reading the same “episode” I did before coming here.

“The only things I saw those days were the things I reached to see from my window. The lights of the biggest Christmas tree in town, the green lamppost which is the only one in the whole town, funny because all of them are grey and then you see this green one and it’s so easy to say I live right in front of the green lamppost.”

So I thought: she’s able to see the biggest Christmas tree and the green lamppost. Which window is?

I start to analyze everything but I was interrupted by the sound of a car parking in front of me. I hided the diary and stood there.

A woman in her 40’s came out of the car and walked directly to the passenger door, she opened it and said:

“Come, and don’t run!” A girl of my age maybe came out of the car; she was wearing a skinny black jean, a white t-shirt and a long hood. She was also wearing a headscarf and that made me know one and only one thing: IT’S HER.

I kept looking just in case she would look at me. But she didn’t.

“Martina! I told you to not run please!” Her, who I suppose to be, mom told her.

“I’m not running. I’m just walking rapidly…” She laughed.

It made my heart melt. I smiled to her laugh which sounded better than any song I had ever heard.

“Do you need any help?” I stood there like an idiot until my widened, realizing that they both were looking at me.

“I- I am sorry!” I said. Sorry for what? “I was looking for a friend, but I kind of, I am wrong. It’s not here” And with that I started walking back home.

****

A month passed with me not reading or touching the diary, a month since I had seen her, a month since I went back sharing the room with my brother. A month since I saw her, again.

I entered at a Starbucks and asked for a cappuccino. Once I paid and all, I turned around and there she was, alone.

I approached at her.

“Hey” I said and she looked at me. She had shiny blue eyes and perfect pink lips.

“Hi” I smiled at her voice, but recomposed quickly. “Who are you?”

“I’m Niall” I said. “What’s your name?” I asked.

“Martina” she said shyly.

“Nice name”

“Thanks” she smiled and I copied her actions. “I don’t mean to sound rude, but what do you want?”

“Oh, I’m sorry! You don’t remember me, don’t you?” I asked and she shook her head no. “Well, I kind of…”

“I know who you are! You are the only one who says I kind of. You are the blond guy who was wrong looking for his friend” We both laughed.

“You never say I kind of?”

“No?” She asks in a matter of fact tone and I laugh.

“May I sit with you?” I ask her and she nods.

“Tell me about you?” She says and I take a deep breath, ready to tell her anything. It’s the least I can do after me reading most of her episodes in the diary.

That’s it! I’m so sorry that it took me so long to update

I am so happy that I finally got to write this chapter! I really wanted to write this! Now that the story is going to have more ups and downs, I hope you guys start to vote or comment!

Pleeeeease! Do it!

-         Sally, x