before it all ends

"Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation."

- K.Gibran

Nathan Kaelen

We're losing time. No, we already lost it. I lost her.

Three years before Neisha Ralene's demise

The first time I saw her wasn't exactly like the movies - her hair blowing in the breeze and everything blurs out. She would be the only thing I see and I would be standing there and knew all of a sudden that it was love at first sight.

It wasn't anything like that. Kailanman, hindi ako naniwala sa kasabihang iyan. Love at first sight isn't really "love" and while we may convince ourselves love at first sight happened with our significant other, it's more likely just us projecting our current feelings to maybe, past memories. These are all false hopes and idealized "love".

But one thing's certain, I'm immediately attracted to her. To Neisha. And I didn't like what she made my heart feel. For the first time, I feel as though I have no control over my own heart.

Una ko siyang nakita na kasama si Felicity na naglalakad sa hallway. Maingay silang nagtatawanan na akala mo narinig na nila ang pinakanakakatawang joke sa buong mundo.

Halos maluha na si Neisha sa sobrang tawa. I looked away. Her eyes. There's no way her eyes aren't seeing a prettier, more peaceful world than all the other eyes. It's so full of joy that I almost want to drown in it.

Muli kong ibinalik ang tingin ko sa kanya. Our eyes met, and she suddenly smiled. I couldn't help myself but mirror what she was doing so I smiled.

Napatingin si Felicity sa kung sinong nginingitian ni Neisha. Nagpatuloy naman ako sa paglalakad, hindi na sila tiningnan pa ulit.

Nakilala ko si Felicity dahil kay Tristan. Lagi silang inaasar kapag nagkakalapit kaya alam ko na noon pa, na gusto ni Felicity si Tristan.

Buwan ang lumipas at patapos na naman ang school year. Sa mga buwan na iyon, madalas kong nahuhuli ang tingin ni Neisha sa akin pero 'di ko na lang pinagtuonan ng pansin.

But I can't deny that I love the way she's looking at me as if I'm the only thing that matters right now. As if I'm the only one she sees. She's the only one I see.

Nang dumaan ako sa hallway papuntang lockers, minsan ko nang narinig na inaasar ni Felicity si Neisha sa akin.

What the hell?

So, Neisha likes me, huh? I smiled at the thought pero agad binalewala ang iniisip.

Napatigil sila nang nakitang papalapit ako sa kung nasaan sila. Agad tinakpan ni Neisha ang bibig ni Felicity para mapigilan pa sa pagsasalita.

Tiningnan ko silang dalawa bago umiling at dumiretso na lang sa dinadaanan. Pulang-pula na ang mukha ni Neisha pero rinig ko pa rin ang hindi pagtigil sa pagsasalita si Felicity kahit na nakatabon na ang bibig niya.

I started believing that she likes me. No, this is all attraction. There's no way she likes me.

Kaya naman nagulat ako nang bigla siyang pumunta sa harapan ko at tinapik ang mesa para makuha ang atensyon ko. Nasa cafeteria kami ngayon ni Tristan, kumakain habang nagrereview nang madalian dahil may exam pagkatapos ng second period sa hapon.