A Love to Kill

Part Sixteen

After he sat there for a while longer, and his face was numb, he finally left. Snow swirled around him, tiny flakes brushing against his cheek. There would be a fresh layer of powdery snow on the ground tomorrow. Snow extinguished the growing grass, and suffocated all life around it. It was gorgeous, a death everyone could appreciate.

Rodger stared at the frigid night sky. He didn't know where to go. He didn't know what to do with himself. He just wasn't sure who he was anymore. He always thought that everything in the world was so obvious. Even when he fell in love with Dawn, he didn't think this could happen. He always thought, in the end, he would be able to kill her just like any other person he had killed. And what a cruel twist of fate this was, that the only time he couldn't lift his knife, she actually wanted to die! Out of all before her, who would have given anything to be in her position, she was the one that actually wanted death. Or at least she was the only one who openly wanted death.

Rodger wondered for the first time in his life whether his victims even wanted death subconsciously. He always thought that they did, and he never questioned it. But with all his life's morals crumbling around him, who was to say anything he thought was truth? Maybe the world was something very different than what he had assumed. So what was he? A monster? Why did he kill? What was the real reason?

"I don't know." He growled aloud. "I don't know, I don't know, I just don't know anymore."

Without thinking, he began driving to Dawn's apartment. He couldn't go home. He needed more questions answered, and they would only be answered if he spent time with Dawn. Rodger somehow knew that his mind was very close to breaking. The only thing that would keep himself sane was Dawn. Otherwise he would probably kill himself. All these thoughts. They were torturing him.

Dawn opened the door, and Rodger grabbed her into a hug.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"I'm a monster." Rodger mumbled.

"That's funny. You look human to me."

"Appearances are deceiving."

Dawn frowned. "What's this about?"

"Billy." Rodger sighed.

"It's okay." She soothed him. "It was the only way. He needed to die."

"No he didn't. I could have convinced him otherwise."

"He might have not believed you. Or he could have reported you anyway, just to be sure. It's better this way. Trust me."

"Okay." He did trust her. He trusted her with all his heart, although it hurt to be around her. It was like hugging a rose, soft yet prickly. He loved her so much, and yet that lust to kill her swam just below the surface. Even know he could see himself plunging a knife into her vulnerable chest, her blood wet on his lips. Rodger shivered in sick delight. "I want to kill you right now." He murmured just to witness her reaction.

Dawn's lip curled. "Then do it."

"You know I can't."

"But you do know it's the right thing, don't you?"

"I'm not sure."

Dawn kissed him, and left her flavor on his lips. "Don't you want me?"

"I do."

"And I want what you want to do to me. So how is that a bad thing?"

Rodger shook his head, and Dawn sighed in discontent. Something metal flicked in her hands, and Rodger saw that it was his blade.

"Do you want to kill me?" he wondered aloud. She was almost as twisted as he. Maybe underneath that loveliness was a killer.

"What would you do if I tried?"