Almost Is Never Enough

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"why are you eating here?"

Those were the 5 words you said when I first met you. I remember eating in a bathroom stall that day, since I have no one to sit with, nor friends to talk to. Then I saw you peeking from underneath the door and asking me that question. "I j-just like eating here.." I stuttered at my first attempt on socializing after years. "well then, I'll eat with you!" you replied and went in the cubicle next to mine without any hesitation. And I never expected that something so beautiful will start in a high school bathroom.

"You have me now.."

After 1095 days filled with endless memories with you, those 4 words made me realize something that made me change my entire point of view. Suddenly, your eyes started to shine brighter then before, the smile you wore on your lips traveled onto mine, and your presence brought so much comfort I couldn't even express. Butterflies started to appear in my stomach every time I hear you laugh. And right at that moment, I knew that I love you.

" Ramen fixes all arguments."

That was a rule we made when we were at our favorite ramen place near the park. We agreed to meet here after every argument, and no matter how mad we are at each other we promised to talk it out and forgive each other over our favorite food. We even sealed the promise with a handshake we made.

"Why don't you just go to Jimin"

You said that when you snapped during our first "major" argument. It was during our 1st year in university, 1st year 3rd semester to be exact. You avoided me for 3 whole days, and there I was wondering what did I do wrong. Until one day, when I asked you for the 36th time what's wrong, you snapped. I didn't expect you to get jealous over Jimin hyung. Maybe It was because I knew deep down that I loved you and only you. So I left a note on your desk saying
"I'm sorry, see you later?"

"i love you."

Those 3 words took so much courage that I don't even know how I managed to say it. That night at the ramen house, I just couldn't help it anymore. I still chuckle to this day when I remember the look on your face, you were so shocked. And I remember mentally cursing at myself for my 'stupid' decision.

"i love you too"

Just when I was about to apologize, you quickly stood up from your seat and pulled me in. Everything seemed to be in slow motion as soon as our lips collided. Electricity traveled down my entire body, sending shivers down my spine. I didn't even think about the people around us, and what would they think. All my attention was on you, your soft lips on mine, and the butterflies in my stomach, it was so unreal. We pulled away slowly and those 4 words left your beautiful lips.

"Graduation Flowers"

4 years and 2 days ago we started university, and now here we are approaching the end of the last commencement speech. As soon as the final words left the dean's lips everyone started to cheer and throw their graduation hats up high.
And I remember so many emotions were going on inside me during that time,I felt happy that a new chapter of my life is staring and new beginnings are about to unfold.And yet I was also very anxious on what's about to happen next.
But as soon as I look behind, there you were, standing three rows apart from me holding a bouquet of pink and purple roses, and wearing the most heart warming smile on your beautiful face.
I didn't waste any time nor did I care if our batch mates were watching us or if our parents were. I just ran towards you and shared a kiss filled with so much love, trust, and happiness.

And instantly all the doubt and anxiousness I was feeling were replaced with glee and reassurance. And even the negative thoughts I had before are now all just pure excitement; Excitement to live and spend this new chapter of my life with you.

"Push through"

Through the years you were always my number 1 support system. You were always there to encourage,cheer me on and give me so much love and support, even in times when I feel that nobody believes in me nor do I believe in myself, you were still there telling me to "push through for everything will be worth it in the end." telling me to "push through because you believe that I am capable."

"New Beginnings and small victories."

It's been 4 years since our graduation day, which means 4 years into the stressful reality of adulting. There were plenty of dark times where we struggled and fought. But because of the support we gave one another ,we were able to learn and move forward. We learned to not only trust each other but to also have trust in the process. We learned how to accept risks, because life is packed with it. And one thing I can say is that life itself is like a big game of gamble,where it is filled with various risks and tendencies you'll have to take in order to win and move forward. And I am more than happy to play this game with you, facing new beginnings, and achieving small victories on our way to success.

"Paris and Promises"

Tomorrow marks 9 years of the most beautiful thing that happened in my life. And I decided that I would like to keep this beautiful person with me forever.

So I bought tickets to Paris, your dream destination and surprised you on April 4th 2017,11:56 pm, 4 minutes before our anniversary. I remember you crying that night as soon as you opened the envelope and saw the papers. You even jumped on me and hugged me so tight that I had a hard time to breath, but I didn't complain, I just hugged you back.
The next day I woke up to you panicking on what to wear and what to pack, but I calmed you down with a back hug and kisses on your forehead.And the next thing we knew, we got on a plane and spent 3 days with nothing but pure love, happiness, comfort, and contentment.

The 4th day came, and I finally decided that this is it, this is the day. That night, right in front of the Eiffel tower, while you were busy taking photos I thought to myself that it's so amazing that a single question can make my entire body quake of nervousness. But I had to overcome this in order to make you mine for a lifetime. So got on one knee, and pulled out the red velvet box I had in my pocket since we got here.
As soon as you turned around your glossy eyes met mine and I asked "Will you be mine forever?" and just like when we were in that high school bathroom 12 years ago, you didn't hesitate "Yes jeonggukie, I will be yours..forever."

And along with that you promised me that you would love me and never leave my side no matter what, and I promised you that I would always be here for you and that I would always, give you my all.

"The Day"

For years I dreamed of you walking down the altar and me waiting for you on the other side as you slowly approached me. But now that dream is about to come to reality, there I was waiting at the altar only minutes away from making you officially mine.

3..6..9 minutes and the entourage was finished everyone was in their seats and all that's left is for that door to open and you to walk down the aisle.

5..10..15 minutes had passed and there was no sign of a car nor sign of you behind that door. I was beginning to become anxious, but I shook it all off, because i trust you.

10..20...30..and you still weren't there. This time I was not anxious, but I was worried. Where could you be? What could've happened to you? Were you tired of playing the game of life with me? Or was I just not enough? Then just when many thoughts came flooding in my head, the door finally opened, only to reveal the wedding planner panting "t-taehyung, He got into an accident ."

"Almost"

That word is always and will never be enough. Hearing it, or even just thinking about makes my heart ache every single time. I can't believe that I almost got the love of my life tied down with a ring and a promise. I can't believe he was almost mine.

Now looking at you lying down, and hearing the heart monitor beep every time makes me feel more thankful than bitter. Because seeing that lifeline still going, reassures me that you are still by my side, that you still haven't left me. It reassures me that we still have a chance, to fulfill our promises and make that "almost" happen.

Life really is a gamble, for it is unpredictable. But I know that you are strong, and you're a fighter. So now it's my turn to tell you that you can do it, that you have to push through, because I am counting on you. You can take your time, because I will always be here waiting for you. Just don't take too long I miss you.