adventures guide to the future

A brief bit of context and character development

Writing this story is probably a horrible idea.

but not as horrible as the idea my best friend gave me. thirteen minutes and seventeen seconds before you join this story.
just warning you it was you who chose to discover this book. so anything you read you are subjecting yourself to. but your probably some sort of bookworm who reads ten books a day.

oh look I'm already judging youand we're only 14 lines in, so buckle up because with the way my life goes it will be a bumpy ride.

Finn Jefferson was always a loyal roughian since the day I met him. what I mean by that is he will boldly and accidentally cause everything around you to crash and burn, then stand with you willing with a high chance of dying and horrific failure, like one big car crash.
and what a car crash we were in.
I look over to my freind Finn, he's a ruggedly built tall male, looking at him you would think he's
a normal human being, from the neck down that is. his head itself is a shark head; 3 rows of teeth with smooth rubbery skin, that unlike most sharks grey skin, Finn's head was closer to white all over. his mouth big enough to swallow a basketball whole, I know he can because he has, and I won't let it happen again, not the nicest of memories I'll just say that.
where were we?
oh yes, iminant danger.
fin was now firing his Lazer rifle at Baba yogurt the giant yack witch and her army of sheep, as you do.

"any ideas?" I yelled from 23 feet away.

"don't stop fighting"

"good idea, how come I couldn't come up with that I was going to let her kill us" I replied  sarcastically.

"really your joking at this moment in time?"

"well I didn't get us into this mess by calling her fat did I?"

"it was an accident dude!
and besides we were both thinking it. she's fatter than my mom"

Baba yogurt roars in anger after hearing this.

"yea but she's only half as hairy"
I call back, ignoring the things currently trying to kill me.
A blaster shot hits the rock I'm taking cover behind a few inches from my body.

"and next time I'll aim for your center mass" Finn shouts.

in the following passage of time we go through a montage style fight scene with lots of magic lazers, fourteen near death experiences between us and some other boring action and stuff. for the sake of accuracy their was some screaming like a girl and other embarrassing shenanigans.
after another ten minutes of fighting their were no survivors.

"Why do you allways mess up", I pause to put out the fire in my hair
"Every mission we go on?"

"I'm sorry, I can't help it, words just slip out.."

"Your gigantic shark mouth I know"

Hey you know I'm sensitive about that" he lulls his head low and slouches, visibly upset, I step towards him and lower the tone in my voice
"Hey sorry buddy it's been a tough day, want to go get pie?

"Sure, but make sure they do it the way I like it"

"Blueberry pie with goat cream, extra blueberries and blueberry sauce"

"You know me soo well"

So we went for pie as you do.
Fun word do, two Letters for such a satisfactory sound.

Do dodo. dodo dodo dodo dodo dodooooooooooo, do do do do do

(In announcer voice)
For those who guessed pink panther theme to you are correct.

Ok enough fun, back to meaningful plot building. Starting by setting the scene allowing you to se where I am in your mind boxes.

Walking into dorrises's breakfast and diner is like being blasted back to the eighties  the inside and out adorned with teal, pink and yellow, with a long horizontal window that sweeps from the door on the right to the other side of the wall, curving round the corner, letting in plenty of light. As well as plenty of delicious smells of fresh pie, pancakes, waffles and fruit like heaven in your nostrils.
Along the windows were five booths, and a row of tables with chairs in-between the booths and barstools at the counter.
The diner was half full and reasonably quite other than the sound from the kitchen.

A sweet friendly voice interrupts me remembering how to describe the room and I zone back in"Hi welcome to dorrises's breakfast and diner, how may I help?"
She was young with light brown hair and a yellow waitress outfit, she looked like if a warm spring day was a person.

"You must be new here" I tell her. She looked rather surprised by this

"I, I started yesterday"

"Follow us" and we lead her through the restaurant to the central Boothe
"This is how it goes me and my freind always sit here, no negotiations.
Since it's Thursday I will not have the special, I know it's chefs choice apple pie. Don't try and change my mind.
I will have a five waffle stack, dreanched in butterscotch, with eight strawberries on the side And a strawberry milkshake, hold the whipped cream.
And my freind will have
Blueberry pie with goat cream, extra blueberries and blueberry sauce and a blueberry milkshake with extra whipped cream. Our order will come to seventeen dollars and twenty nine cents." I hand her a twenty dollar bill and give her a warm smile "Keep the change"
She then walks away behind the counter.

Finn was already rotating his knife in the indent on the table again, their is now a noticeable dent, which dorris had stopped filling.

Ok now is as good a time as any to explain what has happened between you reading this book and it happening in real life.

Now before we begin I should state this won't make sense within the logic of your minds, and don't even try to make sense of it. The people of this world get by by not having baseline expectations based on logic. Long story short we try not to ponder on logic, it interferes with excepting an unpredictable reality. And even if you doubt me that this will happen it makes things even better, because If your reading this, then I have used a time machine to travel to your time, and published my diary under the false alias of ( insert author's name), then selling this as a fantasy novel to pay for my retirement plan.

It was the late 21st century on earth