Me Leading to "Me"

I Got Raped!

The song this part:

'' If you do not have any courage to go down into the depths of 'Who you are?' you are same as others. ''

  Now, I'm lying on the ground of boys' restroom in a stall. In my own ocean whose components are well mingled blood and tears of mine. My  back against the wall. I'm feeling the warmth of my blood coming out through my anus. It's like the collision of two substances that are extremely dangerous to mix together. Normally, I grumble about the freakin' foul smell in this restroom but I have no senses but feeling pain. Why? I really wonder what I did to deserve this unsavor incident. Or is it a coincidence I am the person who happens to be going through this torture? No any strength to crawl out of this curse. Nothing left but pain, fright, desperation. The coldness of the ground is burning my whole uncovered torso. Something's screaming deep inside me ''You gotta get up!''. What if I can't? What if I can't get my fuckin' ass up  off the  ground? Who will lift me up in the arms helpfully? Did I die or is this the enabler of me being born again from my ashes?

The day after

I'm in my bed fidgetting to find a sensible excuse to not get to school today after the nightmares  I had all night long. I was squirming from this traumatic incident all night. Mom's calling me downstairs to have breakfast but I can't even sit on my ass. Tears are dropping repeatedly from my eyes to my body because of the pain of sitting up. Yesterday I was literally no different from a corpse until my only friend in the school Sarah came to save me and take me home. I could read the shocked expression on her face without needing any sign.

Before getting rid of all the remnants of this incident for an instant I'm trying to stand up but it's nearly impossible for me 'cause the suffering of standing on my feet like carring an ancient Greek pillar. I dragged myself to the mirror barely. The reflection of me in the mirror is the most hurtful scene of my life. I look like rubble left from a 100-year-old building. Already I can't put up with the idea of seeing myself in the mirror for more than two seconds as a boy. This transexuality has been the pain in my ass all the time. Some kids are born into their splendid lives without any strangeness. I believe when I was born God ousted me from that list and this is why I'm going through all these adversities.

On top of all this thing I don't think that I can deal with mom being involved in "this assault issue". I'm mustering my whole power to make my way to the bathroom. I have really difficulty dragging myself with my back propped against the wall. My legs are extremely stiff since yesterday which means I cannot even poop. I wish my only problem now were my legs. I feel like my anus is torn. I'm standing against the door just taking a long look at myself -miserable me-. All my rapists were the proud, popular boys of my school who are not even shy of picking on me over my transexuality. How come I get condemned but these motherfuckers -hypocrites- don't get punished? They got their pleasure from me but this fuckin' rapists were those ruining my life, chanting "Faggots are hungry for dicks.". How will I get back to normal again among these sons of bitches at school? How will I walk down the same hall?