One Last Time • kdy.

f o u r

"you're..." I was very shocked.
"why?? tell me what's the matter?" he asked.
"ARE YOU THAT GUY?! who works at the suicide hotline number?!" I looked at him.
He gasped, "are you?! That girl?!".
I nodded slowly.
"wow. What a coincidence.." he looked genuinely shocked, so do I.

So what do I do with this information? FK he must've known that I'm really sick in the head. Gosh, how am I gonna confront this? There was a long awkward silence between us. I decided to break the silence by asking him some questions.

"so, you know that I'm very suicidal right?" I asked. He nodded.
"oh, freak... Please please don't tell anyone about this. I don't wanna suffer again" I pleaded while making the 🙏🏻 hand gesture.
"it's okay I won't." he chuckled.

It was the first time I saw him smiling at me, the way he smiled makes me feel something in my heart. Gosh, am I catching feelings right now?! PLEASE DON'T.
"so how about the history project? who's gonna do it?" I asked.
" I'll do it. I know you aren't mentally okay yet. I don't want you to suffer" he smiled at me.
Not gonna lie, my heart melts when he smiles at me. After that, we had a discussion about the PowerPoint presentation. When it was lunchtime, I hung out with him. He is such a kind and polite person. That made my heart flutter.

"so how about your friends?" he asked while munching a delicious sandwich.
" I don't know. There was some kind of misunderstanding between us because I was constantly being distant from there. It was my fault after all. Sucks being me" I said while staring at the food that Doyoung gave me. I felt guilty for not eating because I had no appetite.
"Want me to help you?" he asked.
"no, it's okay. It's not a big deal I guess.." I said, looking at my former squad sitting across the cafeteria. Doyoung pulled my hand and took me to towards Minrin and my other friends.
"go ahead do something" he glared at me.
I sighed, "Hey guys, I'm sorry for disappointing you guys. I know I'm a very bad friend. I'm very sorry. I will try my best to make it up to you guys later." I looked at Minrin. The next thing I knew, tears started to come out of my eyes.
"it's okay. At least you admit your mistakes. Aww, don't cry Raebin." Minrin hugged me. Everyone started to hug me. I felt happy.

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"I'm staying over your house," he said following me from behind.
"what? You said you have to do your job tonight right?" I stopped and looked at him.
"it's okay. I can tell them that today's my day off" he said while smiling at me.
"um okay. Why do you want to stay over to my house?" I asked curiously.
" I was thinking about doing a history presentation at your house. Is that okay?" he asked.
"what? Ugh alright then" I said crossing my eyes towards him.
As we were walking towards my apartment, I noticed that he held my hand tightly. I didn't think of anything as to why he did that, I just get along with it. I don't know is it just me or, he seems very happy and energetic when he's with me. I never saw him being this energetic around other people. There is something about him.. I'm curious about it. After a few minutes, We both arrived at my apartment.

" I'm sorry for the mess. I have no time to clean it all up" I said while picking up all the ramen cups and cleaning the living room.
"it's okay. I understand why. It must be hard for you to live alone like this.. it must be really hard for you to be alone with all those thoughts.." he looked at me in the eyes. the way he looked at me was kinda different. his eyes were so pretty.

"yeah.. kinda. but I can do it by myself" I said while continued cleaning the living room. after a few minutes of cleaning, we sat down on a couch in the living room. I took my laptop out from the closet drawer near the couch. we then have a big discussion on our presentation. Doyoung is so smart.. That makes him even more attractive. I think I'm about to catch feelings. After discussing for about an hour and a half, we took a 30-minutes break. I laid down on the couches meanwhile doyoung sat on the floor typing something on the laptop, I guess he was researching something. I stared at the ceiling.

"if only I can always be happy like this," I said, letting out a deep sigh.
"you can be happy. Trust me" he said, still researching something on the internet.
"can I ask you? Why did you work at the suicide hotline number?" I asked, still staying in the same position.

"because I had a friend who committed suicide before, I don't want any of that to happen again. I just wanna help people you know? I feel bad for people that are suffering from all these dark thoughts they're having. I couldn't imagine what it's like to have them. They deserve to have someone who cares about them and always be there for them. I want to be like that kind of person, always be there for someone. It's such a coincidence that we are in the same school. And the same class too" he explained, smiling at me.
He is such a thoughtful person. His words left me feeling speechless. I didn't know what to say anymore.

"But you know what? Saving someone from committing suicide doesn't make them stop having suicidal thoughts. That's the toughest part. You can't simply make them stop" I said and moved my position from lying down on the couches to sitting down.
"Yeah, I know. People like them need serious help. Especially you." he looked at me.
"what?" I chuckled.
"no, I'm serious. You need help Raebin" he said in a very serious tone. That made me feel uneasy.
"maybe later, I can't afford anything right now," I replied and sighed.

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I looked at my squads trying to flirt with the hottest boys in our school. I wish I had the confidence to try and flirt, someone, besides, I have to admit that I kinda do have feelings for doyoung.
"hey Raebin don't you want to join us? The exchange student boy from the UK looks kinda lonely there. Why don't you try to make a move to him?" asked Ariana, grinning at me. When it comes to talking about boys, everyone kinda underestimated me because I don't have any crush. I wasn't interested to have one when I have a bigger problem to deal with.
"umm, it's okay. I'm fine." I smiled awkwardly. Ariana frowned.

"gosh you're such a boring person. You do you" Ariana groaned then walked towards Johnny to try flirting with him. I felt guilty for no reason. well, I'm by myself again I guess. all of them were busy flirting with some boys.
"well have fun girls! I'm gonna go somewhere for a while. It won't take long though" I said, smiling then picked up my lunch box and went towards my classroom. As I was about to enter my classroom, I heard a conversation between Doyoung and a girl? I don't really know her. I tried to eavesdrop their conversation. They were talking about me, it was kinda serious though.

"so just because she is a mentally ill person you became closer to her?? What?? You didn't even help me when I feel very insecure and mentally unstable. Maybe she was just trying to be EDGY to attract your attention. i know for sure she likes you. the look on her eyes whenever she sees you describe it" she yelled back. Doyoung hit the desk loudly to the point I was startled.

"Watch what you are saying! You know what? Get the FK off of my faces. I. Don't. Want. To. See. You. Anymore. This is it. It's over between us" he then walked out of the classroom. As he was leaving the classroom, he saw me eavesdropping their conversation. He stopped and looked at me.
"Raebin? What are you doing here?" he asked.
"umm nothing" I smiled awkwardly.
" I know what you're doing. Come follow me" he pulled my hand and took me somewhere hidden.