Love is a Battlefield

1st Battle

March 7, 2015

The cold breeze of the Friday night swallowed me. Sweat began to moisten my brown skin. This is the day that I've been waiting for. The day, where everything comes to a stop.

I can see him. There he was. No matter how far I am to him, I know that it is him. I remember every feature he has. His silhouette, clearly illuminated by the shards of moonlight.

".... Keep it..." It was all I could utter. Tears began to flow from my brown eyes to my pale cheeks. This is so freaking hard. Once this is over with, my pillow would definitely be drenched with water.

" .. This necklace is yours now.... You may keep it in an old dusty box.. Or stomp on it, if you feel so. Just don't give it away.. Don't throw it away. It mattered so much to me.. Please.. I beg you.." Fucking shit. This is draining all my energy away. Urggghh.

I traced the guitar pendant for the very last time. You have a new owner now. Please take care of him.

I take a hold of his soft hands, opened it and placed my old jewelry on top of it. He was shocked. Too shocked that he couldn't burst out any word. But, I guess, that's better. He may say something that would have cause a lethal effect on my heart.

My instincts told me to continue talking. And I did. " You know what? When I saw this necklace displayed by a street vendor, it caught my attention. First words that come to mind is Sungha Jung." I laughed sweetly, trying to hide the bitterness of my affection. "You know him right? The guy I've always been dreaming about. The guy whose music reaches one's soul, and carries them to paradise. "

I tried to wipe my tears away. But, my action was futile. And so, I continued my drama.

"He was someone who plays the guitar magnificently. Truly a great musician. Ha! Then, one day, without realizing, I was in the pits of something I don't know, filled with all your smiles, jokes, and your music. Your music, which was the same as his. No! Even greater! Maybe because I can hear yours personally. Shit. This is taking too long."

"LOVE. I experienced it because of you.. And I am so thankful. Thank you for the dull and bright moments. Thank you for being a great bestfriend. Thank you for making me laugh when I'm at my limitations. One day, I thought you felt the same way I did. Then the next day, it seems you don't. How assuming can I get?"

You can still do this.. Come on.. Come on Al... Tch. Like cheering for myself will change something.

"You taught me to be sad, happy, and mad at the same time. You taught me lessons in life. On how to stay happy whatever the circumstances may be. On how to stand even though many people are trying to trip you. Rip you. On how to be weak and brave at the same time. You taught me that fear isn't a weakness. But a strength. You taught me many things. And I am so grateful. I never regretted the day you showed up in my life. And I will never regret it."

I paused. Pain rushed to me, sending sensations that scares the heck out of me. And... sadness... The feeling that inhibited me when I decided to do this. But, I know this is right. This has to stop. I need to stop.

Breathing heavily, I almost whispered the following words. "I thought I could still continue loving you. But all I could obtain was pain. Pain of not being loved back. I thought I could still stand and struggle for this battle. But.... but... I'm at my end. My limit. If, I continue... this battle will kill me."

I looked at his face for the last time and turned my back on him..

Goodbye, Rain...